I Am Not a Replacement (A Youth Leader's "Rant")

     “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” –Proverbs 22:6

     As I address this topic, I must confess that I am speaking from three different angles.  I speak as a teacher, where once my goal has been to educate students on the three R’s (writing, reading, and ‘rithmetic) now has been to address other social, behavioral, mental, and emotional needs of students.  I speak as a youth leader in church, finding myself being a second parent to many of my students.  I also speak as a child whose Biblical principles were seeded, primarily by youth group than at home.  I admit that this is a subject I have found a growing frustration, and the only way to address it is to speak about it.  Even if, at this time, it is just writing.  Perhaps I will talk on this, at a later time.  I will be writing from the latter two perspectives.  However, I admit that I am speaking from experience, as well as addressing things in the Bible. 

     Over the course of this summer, I began to get stuck on what was going “wrong” with the youth.  This is a typical scene for youth group; not just ours, here in Browning.  We have our students sit in a circle…some try to pull out their cell-phones, or silently talk to their neighbors.  None have brought a Bible.  Few are focused on what we, the adults, are trying to share, but most seem to be zoned out.  We have been speaking a certain subject primarily, for a few months now…and it seems like our kids aren’t getting it.  I know that we aren’t speaking in a foreign language, and we are trying to share the gospel in the plainest of terms, as possible. 

     As I took time this summer to pray, I found a direct correlation to how our kids have been in youth, and how their parents are concerning church attendance, activities, and living out their faiths in their communities.  There is a direct parallel with most families, spiritually speaking.  If parents do not attend church, or are known to be wishy-washy, so will the teenagers.  If the parents are digging in the Word, I have noticed that the kids will too. 

     Here on the Rez, we have so many kids running around on their own.  They are without any supervision, and are allowed to stay late with their friends.  They do not go to sleep at a specific time.  I do not mean to abrade parents, but there are many of our youth who go off, without their parents’ knowing, and do whatever their impulses or desires drive them to do.  Before we go on, I want to make this clear.  What I am discussing is not just a reservation or Native issue.  Any person in America can find this to be an epidemic:  children are left to their own.  It’s something that has plagued ‘Christian’ homes spanning generations and different cultures.  Even Charles H. Spurgeon had to address it in one of his own sermons (he lived in England, during the 1800s). 

     He once stated, “He is a bad preacher who does not commence his ministry at home.  The heathen are to be sought by all means, and the highways and hedges are to be searched, but home has a prior claim, and woe unto those who reverse the order of the Lord’s arrangements.  To teach our children is a personal duty; we cannot delegate it to Sunday school teachers, or other friendly aids.  These can assist us, but cannot deliver us from the sacred obligation (original emphasis).”

     Here is the epidemic found within the church walls:  parents are leaving their sacred obligation of teaching their children about Christ to the Sunday school teachers and youth leaders/pastors.  And perhaps it isn’t such a surprise, because there are many parents who leave their own faith walks to be completed by their [lead] pastors.  They themselves only get spiritually fed once a week, and expect that the timely word on Sunday is enough to nourish until the next time the pastor preaches. 

     I do not want to disregard my position as a youth leader.  Nevertheless, parents/guardians hold a level of influence that I do not, because they are the primary caregivers of and examples to our youth, and they spend the most time with them.  I may spend two to four hours a week with my teens.  If I happen to be their teacher, a little bit more.  Yet, I will not have the level of influence a parent has.  Surely, I have an important role as a youth leader.  Sharing about Christ with teenagers while the anxiousness of school, home, and hormones are raging is an immense and a weighty call.  Yet, I am not a replacement for Christ being shared in the home.  You are the ones who provide food, shelter, and clothing for them.  You are the ones who have the ability to talk with them.  Yes, my job as a youth leader is important, but help in making sure that what we have said is rooted in their hearts.  Please don’t wait until your kids have moved out of the house, or find themselves in a dire circumstance, before you suddenly become concerned  with their spiritual well-being.

     I have observed that there is such an inconsistency in peoples’ walks with Christ.  Some praise on Sunday, but throughout the week, live a different way.  Some don’t come at all.  Perhaps some of the parents dig in the Word, but fail to invite their kids to learn with them what the Bible has to teach concerning a specific situation, and pray with them.  Some parents are going after God, but have in-avertedly left their children to fend for their own spiritual well-being.  

     I want to make it clear that this isn’t about works.  One’s relationship with Christ is not determined by how many chapters one can read in the Bible, how many church services one can attend in a week, or how long one’s prayers are.  The crucial component of a relationship with Jesus is that you are taking time to be with Him, and allowing His grace to transform your heart.  Are you truly letting Him be Lord of your life?  And commonly, how parents walk out their faith, so will the kids.  Monkey see, monkey do.

      For whatever you do, the kids have a reason for doing it as well.  Whatever you don’t do (yet tell them to do), they will find an excuse for them not to do.  And that excuse?  “Because my parents don’t.”  Why should they follow after God, if you aren’t?  I remember when I was a kid, my parents had a rule that I wasn’t allowed to cuss.  However, I was allowed to watch films that swore, and my parents swore, as well.  So, at the age of eight, I came to the conclusion that if they could, why couldn’t I?  So for a week, I would cuss under my breath.  Not in front of my parents, of course, because then I would get in trouble.  However, I wonder how it would have been different, if the standard was raised where I was not allowed to encounter that, thereby, making it more grounded that it was not allowed.

     I understand completely that parents in the church are desiring the best for their kids.  They, though they may struggle with walking out their faith, will still direct their kids to do so.  I understand, because that was the case in my home, growing up.  My parents became Christians when I was five and six years old.  I was involved with kids’ activities such as AWANA, and later youth group.  We went to church on Sundays.  They enrolled me in a private Christian school, for the duration of my junior high years.  However, by the time I was in high school, I realized that things weren’t all that it should be. 

     We had dysfunction.  We didn’t communicate.  If we had issues, we yelled at each other. Then the silent treatment was given. Sometimes, we spent time together, but on a day-to-day basis, everyone was in a separate room, entertaining themselves. If my parents were fighting, I suddenly became the middle-man, and had to be the messenger between them.  I was observant; which came in handy, because I could explain to my dad why my mother was upset, depending on certain actions done or words said.  If there was a spiritual head, it was me.  I was the strength in my family when fights blew up; I was the glue that kept us together when my pastor died of leukemia; I was the one who counseled my parents in how to deal with issues.  We were a Christian family, yet, struggling to live as one.  There was an inconsistency from the Sunday service to the rest of the week.  For me, as a teenager, it was hard.  I struggled with things, but because my parents weren't grounded in the Word (like I was), I felt like I could not go to them (aside from the issues I was already struggling with, with one of my parents).  Spiritually, I felt like I couldn’t depend on them.  There were times I found moments that I could go to youth leaders in the church, but honestly…I had wished that I could go to my parents. 

     We need parents to be going after Jesus.  Our kids and teenagers need their parents to be going after Jesus (and also take time to show them how to go after Jesus…don’t just seek after revelation, and fail to teach your kids the revelations God is giving to you).  Parents are the primary provider in showing what it means to follow after Christ.  No matter the past of the parents or the education they had received – they are the ones whose obligation is to be the primary teachers to children in how to know God.  In Proverbs 22:6, it says, “Train up a child in the way they should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  As a youth leader, I try to do this the best I can.  I love your teens, and give them the best advice and wisdom I know how to.  But this isn’t limited to church leaders!  You are the greatest influence on your children’s lives! 

     In my community, there are many issues we presently struggle with; addictions to alcohol, drugs, and/or gambling.  There are many cases of broken families, abuse, and neglect. There have been generational curses set forth, from the painful histories of the boarding schools.  Nevertheless, those curses can be broken, and they begin in the home.  Your home.  When Joshua was leading the nation of Israel out of the wilderness, he challenged them to follow after God.  “Now, therefore, fear the Lord, serve Him in sincerity and truth…And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”  -Joshua 24: 14,15

     As for me AND my house.  Not just for me…not just for my house.  All of it.  I encourage you, that maybe God has just been a side-thought.  Know that God is real, and is the God of the world!  Creator of all things!  Turn to Him and repent of your sin, and receive His forgiveness.  Give your hearts to the Lord, and bring your families with you.

     To the parents that bring your children to church with them, seem to be eating up the Word, yet are inconsistent in the manner of disciplining their children to follow the Lord.  Don’t think of discipline as punishment; to discipline is to teach.  There are parents who praise Jesus all over Facebook, yet do not take a regular effort to know God themselves.  Please take heed!  You may desire your children to go after Christ, but if you do not, most likely they will not.  (I know that my story seems like it can be possible, but the truth is, my story is not the norm.  Most relationships with Christ are very much parallel comparing the parents with their children.  On rare accounts do they differ.)

     Maybe you are the parents that do dig in the Word…all the time.  But if you do not share with your kids about what God has been doing in your hearts (or discuss what was said on Sunday), lives, as well as their lives, how will they understand that God is real in the part of life where Sunday church isn’t present?  Sermons may be preached on Sundays, but parents carry a vital role in showing day-to-day how those sermons can be specifically applied. 

     I know I sound harsh.  Perhaps judgmental and pointing a finger.  I already admitted that part of my writing this has been due to some frustration.  However, this frustration is due to my heart burning for my teenagers to know Christ, as well as their whole families.  My angst comes from knowing the brokenness that has sustained itself within our communities, and passionately wanting to see its end.  When the jailer came to know the Lord, he made a point that not only he was saved, but so that his whole family would be too (Acts 16:31).  Hear my heart:  I want to see a redemption that spans across generations.  Yes, for my youth in True Life and for their kids, and grandchildren.  But I also wish to see Redemption do its work in the former generations…that is you.

     And it is possible.  Perhaps, after reading this, you realize that you haven’t been going after God like you should have been.  Perhaps, you feel like you may have wasted time.  Maybe there are other things that have taken precedence in your life.  Be assured!  Our God is a merciful God, and abounding in forgiveness, when you come to Him.  If you still have breath in your bones, there is a chance to make things right with Him.  Maybe you aren't knowledgeable about the Bible, like a pastor.  That's okay.  You weren't called to be a pastor; you were called to be a parent.  Just get to know God, and train up your kids in His will. If there is breath in your lungs, you can start a new chapter with your kids.  Even if your kids have moved out of the house, you can still have an influence on them, in a godly way.  The time and season for direct influence is over, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start praying for them.  And prayer works, no matter where you, or they, are.  In the midst of allowing God to work in your life will also prove to be an example.

     Now, from personal experience, when my parents would apologize for the things they had done, and when they started to walk more after Christ, I was slightly skeptical.  I stood-off emotionally, secretly wondering how long was this going to be.  Were they going to go back to their old habits?  Don’t become offended.  When you decide to change your normal, it will be weird at first.  But as the weird becomes more common, it will become the new normal eventually.  Jesus continually transforming your life will be evident in the time to come, and your life will bear witness and influence in your family.

     My family is beginning to bear witness, too.  My mother who seemed to be off-put when I spoke about Jesus, will excitedly engage in a conversation when I describe some of the ministry opportunities that have occurred.  My dad is growing in getting in the Word.  My brother is paying more attention to what God has to say, and focusing on Him more.  And, in reflection to my growing up years, I must admit that as much as things weren’t perfect, as much as they have had their faults, they aren’t failures as parents.  I have since realized that though they hadn’t gone far (according to my expectations of what they should have been doing), they did teach me some valuable things about going after God in the midst of our family chaos.

     My mother is immensely hospitable, and thinks of others above herself.  She has always resorted to prayer when things go array.  When a student had gotten in a car accident, and I called crying, her response was, “Laura, now you need to be praying for her.”  My dad has very practical wisdom, based on the Bible, even if he couldn’t specifically tell you what verse to go to.  He also would direct me to take every opportunity to dig into the Lord.   I remember one time, I was grounded from youth group.  The following week, I felt like skipping youth group, but my dad forced me to go, because he did not want me to get out of a habit of going.  Here’s the thing.  My parents are a definition of successful parenting, and this is why.  They desired to have their children go after the Lord, and despite where they presently were, their kids have gone further and deeper than they could have dreamed.  My dad once commented, “How did I get so lucky to have two great kids?”  I replied, “Because we have put Jesus in the center of our lives.”  My parents did a work of seeding God into our hearts, and with time, it has borne great fruit.

     Before I finish, I want to talk to the youth, lastly.  Perhaps your parents don’t go to church, or maybe they do, but are inconsistent.  Perhaps they are hypocritical.  Go after God, anyway.  Take time on your own to get to know God.  You cannot use your parents’ mistakes as an excuse for not going after God.  You cannot claim your parents’ godly relationship with God, as your own.   Every single person is held accountable for themselves for making Jesus Lord of their lives. 

     For those who lack the support in having godly parents:  I know that there may be a hurt or resentment.  Forgive them anyway.  Drop the expectations you laid on their shoulders, because here is the truth.  No parent is perfect.  This does not excuse the behavior or mistakes your parents may have made.  However, if you expect them to act a certain way, while they are not in a spiritual place to meet that expectation, you will continually be offended.  Once I let go of the expectations I placed on my parents, I then saw God moving in their hearts.  Many credit their testimonies to a praying parent.  Some praying parents began as praying children, and that can be you.  Even in your youth, you can be an example to your families to follow after Christ.  Lean on Him, and share the hope you have found with your siblings, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  Though you are young, you can be a light.  Take hold, and go forth.