Sin of Pitying the Poor: Forgetting the Elderly

“As long as you have breath in your lungs, God’s not done with you,” is a common phrase spoken within Christian circles. The last group I want to discuss in the series of pitying the poor is how easy it is to forget the elders.  So often, the emphasis of life is raising children and building up the next generation. I fear that sometimes we may forget the ones that have gone before us.  Those who have lived and worked suddenly enter a new chapter of retirement.  Depending on health concerns that come with age, sometimes those of the silver and golden years are treated as washed up.  Maybe it’s pure idealism.  However, if we really believe that people continue to have a purpose on earth until their dying breath, is it possible that even in a changing season, the elders still have something to give?     The matter of figuring out one’s calling is one of the highest anticipating conversations, right next to choosing a marriage partner.  But does one’s calling ever end? Or does it sometimes just shift? I’m sure that there are overarching passions and designs that God has for each individual, but perhaps the way in walking out that calling transfers as time and people come through our lives.     Concerning the elderly, I know there are still passions and heck - they have wisdom that can be shared with the younger generation.  In this season, I’m slightly mourning that leadership training can only include the younger generation, and I’m thinking, “What about any of our older members?”  But as I write, a thought comes to my mind.  Are there any elders (meaning the older population) at church who are actively stepping into leadership capacities?  How many are - on their own account - may have taken themselves out of the picture, because they have seen churches pattern their attention to the youth and/or they believe themselves to be washed up? This may be a both/and situation where people on both sides need to reach.     I admit that of the three topics in this series, I am the least knowledgeable or experienced.  But as someone who is of the age - a bridge between those who are younger and those who are older - I am mindful that a gap needs to be closed.  If the Church is a family, with Christ as the head, then family is more than just staying in our huddle spaces.  I understand that we all have our circles and close friends to whom we go to.  Nevertheless, we also need to learn how to regularly say, “hello” to people outside these circles.  If we stay within our comfort zones, families will turn into factions.  Groups will turn into cliques.  And how can the Body function as such without all our members?  As I look forward in how my Christian community can rally together, my brain is scrambling for ideas on how we can connect with those who we may only see once a week. 

The Fact that SPED Neglects to Tell - Change Still Needed

This morning was great.  I had a job interview for a SPED para position.  However, by this evening, my day has come to a mourning.  Anger and frustration…I wanted to get my license updated, as is per the law when someone moves.  However, when they noticed my right hand, and found out I live with cerebral palsy (even though it is VERY noticeable that it is a minor case), they wanted me to take a driver’s test to prove that I am a safe driver.     In my interview, I presented my apprehensions about being passed over for the concerns of having a disability.  And here it happened!  I have to jump through extra hoops, because someone found out I was disabled - and yet, I have evidence (my Montana driver’s license) that I have demonstrated myself able!  Why do I have to keep proving myself?  Can people trust that I am a capable driver?  No other able-bodied driver has to take the driver’s test when updating a license after moving.  No other able-bodied driver has to keep demonstrating they are a safe driver every time they go to the DMV.     And I get it…I live with a disability.  But come on!  With the presence of a license - with hardly any restrictions - maybe that means I don’t require those restrictions.  Ever thought of that?!  And if someone is concerned over my condition, let me share: I have to go see a medical professional annually.  If there is any change to my condition, I will discuss it with my doctor, and we will discuss if there needs to be alterations to my independent lifestyle.  However, there has been no discussion, because there hasn’t been any need for it.  But I shouldn’t have to divulge my confidential health history to prove that.     SPED gives equal opportunity for those with disabilities to reach their full potential.  But if it is required that I still have to do extra steps and have modifications that I frankly don’t need, that makes things harder on me and keeps me in a low-unable to climb-position.  I believe the word “handicapped” comes to mind.     I feel like I’m always going to have to carry medical documentation.  Perhaps a resume of all the physical accomplishments just to prove I have an ability to perform a task.  “Played softball for eight years, completed a Spartan race in 2018 (which requires carrying 40-50 lbs for women, 60-80 lbs for men, running the length of five miles)”.  I hate that I have to continue substantiating myself.  I’m tired of it!!!!!  (And is this a form of discrimination, because they are determining my ability just with a look?)     I already have the evidence that I am a capable driver (that is what a driver’s license is for, right?).  So, why not let it be?  I’m not angry at the individuals who attended to me.  I am pissed at the system.  And this is the fact that SPED has neglected to make known to parents, children and their families.  In the schools and classrooms, we aim for every student to be successful in the academic sphere.  We write IEPs, 504s, and make accommodations and modifications to the curriculum, as deemed necessary (we don’t give every accommodation, nor modification to every SPED kid, because it is a case-by-case addressing specific needs), for those who require them.  Children are not a one-size-fits-all; and we address that.  But today revealed to me that the adult world doesn’t work that way.     This is not the only example.  Last year, I wanted a 504 for my cerebral palsy, so that I could be protected in case I needed assistance with a two-handed activity.  I was told to make sure my accommodation wasn’t bumming my job onto somebody else.  After the initial meeting (which required me to go to a doctor to file medical documentation…which, like, um…look at my right hand - it’s quite evident), I never received the 504 paperwork.  Which means that I probably worked without protection all last year, for an accommodation I may have needed for my disability.  That experience showed me that if I have a need for an accommodation, an employer possibly may not consider me (which makes me even more grateful that the school I interviewed with today said they were willing to support me where it was needed, because I still have a lot to offer elsewhere).     I have two friends from church who are on disability assistance.  Both want to be contributing members of society.  However, because of their conditions, and the benefits they receive, if they were to start working, they would lose all the benefits (which they in fact, DO need).  Yes, they need assistance, but that shouldn’t mean they should be barred from working.  Heck, they are both more able-bodied than me.  But because they have a legitimate dependence on the system, the system literally handicaps their potential.     And then today.  Judging how well I can do something, although I have already done that work, is disheartening.  This isn’t asking for a doctor’s note to prove that I have a disability and yet, am safe enough to drive.  Honestly, that would be irritating if I had to get that, but it would be more understandable than a full driving test.      Maybe I should have hung my right arm lower.  Made sure they didn’t catch the look of my hand.  If one thinks I am being absurd, then please take this into account: I had driven myself to the DMV, in my own vehicle, without any modifications.  I don’t drive much differently than any other able-bodied person (because let’s face it - any other person drives one-handed anyway).  Furthermore, if they were that nervous about me being a safe driver, then why let me drive myself home?  There is an utter incongruence, and it sucks.       My dad is paying for the windshield to get fixed for the test, but that isn’t what bothers me.  It is the fact that after all this talk of a chance to thrive in one’s own community, the reality of the public is that those with disabilities are still looked down on and forced to prove their place.  How much longer must I have to validate my position and ability, before people actually believe I am indeed capable, without judgment?

Sin of Pitying the Poor: Mourning the Disabled

Tokyo 2020 Paralympics, taken from
Google Images

If anyone needs a quick source of inspiration, finding someone who has struggled with a disability of some form is an easy choice.  How can one not be inspired?  I absolutely LOVE a good overcoming a major trial story (The King’s Speech is one of my favs).  However, when it comes to those of us living with disabilities, I think, as much as we appreciate being the source of encouragement in facing obstacles, we still dismiss our actual influence if it only makes one feel gratitude over not having it as bad as other people.     Yeah.  That’s a thing.     The truth is, we all have challenges.  We all go through things that make us question, “God, are You real?  If so, are You even listening?”  And yes, as a body of believers, it is important to show how God has been faithful in our individual storms to bring comfort (see 2 Corinthians 1:4).  But living with a disability and overcoming the hardships isn’t my only gift.  And dissuading you from feeling the pain of your hurt, in the name of “it isn’t as bad as hers”, will not help you to grieve through the process, ask the faith-based questions that are needed, and see how God can show Himself present in your situation.     Ironically, though we have IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act of 1990), and Special Education has grown in their aim to bring out the best in every student, no matter their ability level, sometimes we settle.  We settle for life skills.  We settle on teaching social norms.  We are educating those (my mind is considering those mostly with a form of cognitive delay) in such a way where they can function in society, reasonably.  We are willing to befriend people with disabilities, in an effort to be nice.  But would we ever dare to be friends with them, for real?  I mean - the kind of friend where there is mutual trust and having each other’s back?  Most of our approach in inviting the disabled’s gifts is in a matter of self-soothing or alleviating the conscious.     Back when I was still doing my internship, I had to read a book called Garden City.  The premise was that work was good, and a goal in life for every human is to cultivate the world around them.  Quoting the late Tim Keller, “Work is rearranging the raw material of God’s creation in such a way that it helps the world in general, and people in particular thrive and flourish.”  The author, John Comer, furthermore added, “We glorify God by reshaping the raw materials of the world in such a way that, for those with eyes to see, God’s beauty and presence are made visible.”     I was reading this right before doing a sub gig in a special education class, and all I could think to myself was, Am I doing enough for my students so that they are actually thriving and not just getting by?  Am I actually seeking out the gold nugget that God put in them, and willing to draw it out?   Have I bought into the lie that those with disabilities (more severe than mine) can only contribute to society in a limited capacity?  Or, have I determined that God wouldn’t call someone with physical or mental disability, as He would call someone without?     I asked these questions - being a special education teacher AND living with a disability myself.  Honestly, I should know better, but even I have had my lapses where I misjudged the width of what someone could contribute based on their ability.  Cripes…  And yet, I don’t think God is limited by our limits.  Nor does He determine our callings solely on what we can bring.  Yes, His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).  But He is also the one who uses the weak to confound the wise (1 Corinthians 1:20-29).      So often we mourn over those who are disabled, because we now see their lack.  We question what their futures hold.  I do not mean to naively idealize that anything is possible, because “we just need to set our minds to it”.  Rather, I am now reminded that God is greater than anything our stories can be written.  He can do…what only He could imagine being done.  So often, we determine credibility by the amount of effort, education gained, the amount of people known, and the experience lengthened.     But God seems to get more glory when the credibility doesn’t seem to fit.  God used a murderer to be one of the most impacting missionaries in the first century (Saul/Paul of Tarsus).  He used an uneducated fisherman to introduce the Gospel and Holy Spirit to the Gentiles (Simon Peter).  He used a man who struggled with depression and suicidal tendencies to strike fear into an unrighteous king (Elijah).  He used an orphan girl to save a nation (Esther).  In all of these examples, it wasn’t about what they could or couldn’t bring.  It was a matter that God called them, positioned them, and equipped them for the work He set out for them.     On the matter of those with disabilities - we must approach them in the same manner.  I know a diagnosis will require a season of grief - after all, the life’s plan has upped and changed.  But when the tears have come and gone, I think it’s of the utmost and imperative step to then ask God what He has up His sleeve.  Ask Him what the treasure and gift the person holds.  God created an entire person, and it is not only determined by their disability.  He has knitted every child in the womb; He knows each one by name.  And still, He chooses, and He calls.  Who are we to say that God, in all of His sovereignty, could not use such ones who have a disability?     And maybe in all of this discussion, this is the lesson to glean: that there are those who were disabled, and they stepped into their calling, in spite of what lack they had, not a sense of giving gratitude to a family who doesn’t have it as hard.  (Can you imagine the ache in a mother’s heart knowing that some are relieved they don’t have to have her specific trials?  It would hurt.)  But rather, are we each willing to step into the things God has called us, no matter what lack of credibility or ability, or surmountable fears or struggles we bring to the table?  It is those who have dared to go where God has sent them, in spite of threat or adversity that we find the heroes that inspire us.  It was never supposed to be about proving one had a place in society; it was about becoming who God already planned that person to be and equipping them to walk it out. 

Disability Pride? Month

Colors represent: Green- sensory disabilities, 
Blue -psychiatric disabilities, White -
undiagnosed/unseen disabilities, Gold -
neurodivergent or cognitive/intellectual disabilities, 
Red - physical disabilities

Last month was Disability Pride Month, and though from the disabled community, I was perplexed as to what exactly I should be proud of.  Pride insinuates something good - something to be celebrated.  I didn’t know that living with paralysis was something I should glorify.  Or what about living with cognitive delay or mental health issues? Or being overwhelmed by sensory impulses?  This is supposed to be all celebrated?  Granted, I am assuming that if there is any pride involved, it matters more about how I have overcome obstacles.  Nevertheless, I think that the wording is missing the point of what the disability community really needs.     I don’t mind a month dedicated to educating the public about those with disabilities.  We have fought hard to be integrated as part of society and be seen as equal members of the populus.  However, if there is a nationally recognized month, I prefer the term “Awareness”.  I want people to understand the actual complexities of specific disabilities.  I want them to know how not to jump to conclusions of what I can or cannot do, based on what my disability may be.  I want them to see me beyond the disability.  Most of all, I want it understood that the disability is only a component of my life, not the sum of it.  Disability is not my identity.     I appreciate the notion that because of how complications can be introduced due to the various disabilities, people want to celebrate us for the moments we overcome obstacles.  But celebrate my personhood, not my disability.  I realize that in writing this, I am treading on a controversial topic.  Other people from the disabled community may (and probably do) disagree with my position.  Note: I am speaking for myself.  They want to celebrate the disability, because it has made their children or personhood the way it is.  It has been the cause for tears, confusion, but also resilience and hope.  I acknowledge that.     One reason that I’m up for any physical challenge is because early on, people wondered if I could do something.  So, the best way to answer their questions was to prove them wrong.  I have accomplished SO much, in spite of my physical limitations.  I cannot deny how living with a disability has affected my life, including the trials and the testimonies (to put it in Christian lingo).  But growing into adulthood, pride over my disability has grown.  And not in a positive way.     Because my reality, now, is that because I learned early on to prove people wrong about misconceptions, I still have the mindset, whether or not people are judging me.  I am still in fight mode.  I still try to make myself physically tough in front of new crowds, out of fear that I may be looked at as weak.  I know asking for help is a healthy thing to do, but years of making sure that I wasn’t the handicapped one in the group has made my heart learn not to trust.  I have determined it not to be a good thing to be in need.  This isn’t pride.  This is insecurity.     We need to bring education about disabilities into the public eye.  I am leery of how it may be done - in the name of pride.  Because as a component of pride, it raises the subject high above all else.  “Look at me!  I got CP!  Look at my right side!  Woohoo!”  Do you realize how NOT desirable that is for a kid growing up in elementary school?  I wanted to be seen for me, not just for my ability (or lack thereof).  And maybe that is the whole point of the Disability Pride Month - an acknowledgement of those with disabilities, an education to understand the said complications, and finally, a pride that they are part of the overall community.  I still don’t agree with the terminology, but I would understand it more, if that is the intention.     Nevertheless, pride still has an ugly connotation in my book.  Because, as a Christian, I believe that when I am in heaven, I no longer am going to be disabled.  I will have a new body; one that is perfect and will not have any issues.  There will be no more pain.  There will be no more sorrow.  There will be no more disability.  That doesn’t mean the personhood of the individual with the disability is no more, however.  I do wonder if those with autistic and creative traits will keep the creative traits but lose the inability to read social cues.  Those with cognitive delay will keep their sense of innocence and joy but lose their inability to grasp onto maturing concepts.  Those with bipolar will still have their personalities but lose their inability to control emotions.     In these examples, the disabilities will be lost, but who God created them at their core is not going to be lost.  After all, the disabilities we live with are not our identity; just one of the themes in the stories of our lives.  This is what should be celebrated in the month of July when Disability Awareness/Pride Month.  It isn’t the condition that should be celebrated, but the person.  It isn’t the trial, but rather the enablement and gift that is found in each person.  I realize trials are part of our stories, but it isn’t the cumulation of who we are.  And if someone wants to dare sit with us, we’ll show you how.

Sin of Pitying the Poor: Looking Down on the Impoverished

      It seems to be a rite of passage for every teen who grew up in the church.  No, not attending youth camps, although that brings its own experience in of itself.  I mean the spring/summer break mission trips. The object of our attention usually involved serving the poor - by that - I mean the impoverished.  Either because the homeless was our aim, or going to a rough area that was plagued by trauma, death, addiction, low-income families were the pursuit.  And many times, the lesson that was brought back from the experience was the amazing gracious hearts of those served.  How they were so generous with the little they had.     Wait.  Wasn’t the trip supposed to be about serving them?  Oh, don’t worry. There was that component, as well.  So often, there is a highlighted note that the poor are receiving so much of what we, as Americans can give.  And yes, we should be generous with the gifts that we have, as one of the wealthiest countries in the world.  However, in my observations, I have found a subtle lofty idea of giving what we have, but only receiving the tangible gifts of those we minister.     I am grateful that my youth pastor challenged my peers to bring back the lessons we learned from our mission trips.  Otherwise, I think we would have come out of these experiences thinking too highly of ourselves.  “Look how much we helped them!  See how they blessed us!”  Uh, wasn’t this supposed to be about Jesus?  Frankly, sometimes though we look to alleviate their circumstances of the poor, we still think of ourselves as superior.  We are guilty of pitying them.     Pity has a different connotation than empathy or sympathy.  The latter two communicate a willingness to sit in with a person’s sorrow and really understand them.  Pity, adversely, sees the sorrow, but can lack compassion.  And maybe there is a level of compassion in mission work - after all - why else travel to these unfortunate places if not to help better them?  The mistake I see, nevertheless, is that often (short-term) missionaries see that they are bringing something for the people but leave no room to actually learn from those whom they are serving.  This is where - even in the most evangelistic ways of showing Jesus, negative stereotypes can be perpetuated.     The truth is that every group of people is broken.  Every group of people is littered with sin.  But more so, every group of people has been made in the image of God.  And with their languages, cultures and perspectives, each group of people has an understanding of Jesus that we can learn from one another.  We create a grave mistake when visiting the poor and commenting on how they are so willing to bless out of their lack, then move on to the next subject.  Why not learn from them?  As an American, are you willing to bless others even out of your lack?  Oh wait, but God surely wouldn’t ask you to do that…But peoples’ lack may differ.  And are we willing to trust Jesus, nonetheless? That is the lesson.     When we choose to pity the impoverished, we only see where they are suffering.  We forget to see the gift in them that God innately created within them.  We fail to see our needs and deny our own brokenness - and the truth is - there is something in my brothers and sisters in third world countries that we, as Americans, so desperately require.  Are we willing to invite them into our lives and share with us what Jesus has given them?  Furthermore, are we willing to open our hearts to see things from a different perspective, so that we may grow in ways that we never would have, if they were never a part of our lives?      I learned so much from living with Natives what grace actually looks like.  I learned how to mourn with others in sorrow, rather than alone.  I learned how to laugh and joke even in the face of hardship.  These are lessons that I missed in the Western culture.  When I was visiting Jordan, it was there that I learned about the “new life” that baptism represents, not just dying to my sins…which, understanding the power of the gospel, it is crucial to have both components.  (Could you imagine if the Gospel was only including the death to our sins?  It would mean having to wait until heaven to have fruit from our sanctification!)     We miss so much when we are only aiming to serve the poor, as if they have no gift of eternal value.  Honestly, I think it’s a crime in the eyes of God.  I wonder if so much of the racism that has perpetuated over centuries is due to the nonsense that we have something to give, but the ones we serve have nothing to give (unless it benefits monetarily…hint, hint, imperialism).  The body is of many parts.  And we function best, when we have every component bringing what they have to build the kingdom of heaven.  So, when we go on mission, let us remember the words of a British friend of mine who has served in South Africa: “Wherever you are called, you will receive from the nations, and you will deposit to the nations.”  Nations, together, bring Jesus to the world.