Disability Pride? Month

Colors represent: Green- sensory disabilities, 
Blue -psychiatric disabilities, White -
undiagnosed/unseen disabilities, Gold -
neurodivergent or cognitive/intellectual disabilities, 
Red - physical disabilities

Last month was Disability Pride Month, and though from the disabled community, I was perplexed as to what exactly I should be proud of.  Pride insinuates something good - something to be celebrated.  I didn’t know that living with paralysis was something I should glorify.  Or what about living with cognitive delay or mental health issues? Or being overwhelmed by sensory impulses?  This is supposed to be all celebrated?  Granted, I am assuming that if there is any pride involved, it matters more about how I have overcome obstacles.  Nevertheless, I think that the wording is missing the point of what the disability community really needs.     I don’t mind a month dedicated to educating the public about those with disabilities.  We have fought hard to be integrated as part of society and be seen as equal members of the populus.  However, if there is a nationally recognized month, I prefer the term “Awareness”.  I want people to understand the actual complexities of specific disabilities.  I want them to know how not to jump to conclusions of what I can or cannot do, based on what my disability may be.  I want them to see me beyond the disability.  Most of all, I want it understood that the disability is only a component of my life, not the sum of it.  Disability is not my identity.     I appreciate the notion that because of how complications can be introduced due to the various disabilities, people want to celebrate us for the moments we overcome obstacles.  But celebrate my personhood, not my disability.  I realize that in writing this, I am treading on a controversial topic.  Other people from the disabled community may (and probably do) disagree with my position.  Note: I am speaking for myself.  They want to celebrate the disability, because it has made their children or personhood the way it is.  It has been the cause for tears, confusion, but also resilience and hope.  I acknowledge that.     One reason that I’m up for any physical challenge is because early on, people wondered if I could do something.  So, the best way to answer their questions was to prove them wrong.  I have accomplished SO much, in spite of my physical limitations.  I cannot deny how living with a disability has affected my life, including the trials and the testimonies (to put it in Christian lingo).  But growing into adulthood, pride over my disability has grown.  And not in a positive way.     Because my reality, now, is that because I learned early on to prove people wrong about misconceptions, I still have the mindset, whether or not people are judging me.  I am still in fight mode.  I still try to make myself physically tough in front of new crowds, out of fear that I may be looked at as weak.  I know asking for help is a healthy thing to do, but years of making sure that I wasn’t the handicapped one in the group has made my heart learn not to trust.  I have determined it not to be a good thing to be in need.  This isn’t pride.  This is insecurity.     We need to bring education about disabilities into the public eye.  I am leery of how it may be done - in the name of pride.  Because as a component of pride, it raises the subject high above all else.  “Look at me!  I got CP!  Look at my right side!  Woohoo!”  Do you realize how NOT desirable that is for a kid growing up in elementary school?  I wanted to be seen for me, not just for my ability (or lack thereof).  And maybe that is the whole point of the Disability Pride Month - an acknowledgement of those with disabilities, an education to understand the said complications, and finally, a pride that they are part of the overall community.  I still don’t agree with the terminology, but I would understand it more, if that is the intention.     Nevertheless, pride still has an ugly connotation in my book.  Because, as a Christian, I believe that when I am in heaven, I no longer am going to be disabled.  I will have a new body; one that is perfect and will not have any issues.  There will be no more pain.  There will be no more sorrow.  There will be no more disability.  That doesn’t mean the personhood of the individual with the disability is no more, however.  I do wonder if those with autistic and creative traits will keep the creative traits but lose the inability to read social cues.  Those with cognitive delay will keep their sense of innocence and joy but lose their inability to grasp onto maturing concepts.  Those with bipolar will still have their personalities but lose their inability to control emotions.     In these examples, the disabilities will be lost, but who God created them at their core is not going to be lost.  After all, the disabilities we live with are not our identity; just one of the themes in the stories of our lives.  This is what should be celebrated in the month of July when Disability Awareness/Pride Month.  It isn’t the condition that should be celebrated, but the person.  It isn’t the trial, but rather the enablement and gift that is found in each person.  I realize trials are part of our stories, but it isn’t the cumulation of who we are.  And if someone wants to dare sit with us, we’ll show you how.