This morning was great. I had a job interview for a SPED para position. However, by this evening, my day has come to a mourning. Anger and frustration…I wanted to get my license updated, as is per the law when someone moves. However, when they noticed my right hand, and found out I live with cerebral palsy (even though it is VERY noticeable that it is a minor case), they wanted me to take a driver’s test to prove that I am a safe driver. In my interview, I presented my apprehensions about being passed over for the concerns of having a disability. And here it happened! I have to jump through extra hoops, because someone found out I was disabled - and yet, I have evidence (my Montana driver’s license) that I have demonstrated myself able! Why do I have to keep proving myself? Can people trust that I am a capable driver? No other able-bodied driver has to take the driver’s test when updating a license after moving. No other able-bodied driver has to keep demonstrating they are a safe driver every time they go to the DMV. And I get it…I live with a disability. But come on! With the presence of a license - with hardly any restrictions - maybe that means I don’t require those restrictions. Ever thought of that?! And if someone is concerned over my condition, let me share: I have to go see a medical professional annually. If there is any change to my condition, I will discuss it with my doctor, and we will discuss if there needs to be alterations to my independent lifestyle. However, there has been no discussion, because there hasn’t been any need for it. But I shouldn’t have to divulge my confidential health history to prove that. SPED gives equal opportunity for those with disabilities to reach their full potential. But if it is required that I still have to do extra steps and have modifications that I frankly don’t need, that makes things harder on me and keeps me in a low-unable to climb-position. I believe the word “handicapped” comes to mind. I feel like I’m always going to have to carry medical documentation. Perhaps a resume of all the physical accomplishments just to prove I have an ability to perform a task. “Played softball for eight years, completed a Spartan race in 2018 (which requires carrying 40-50 lbs for women, 60-80 lbs for men, running the length of five miles)”. I hate that I have to continue substantiating myself. I’m tired of it!!!!! (And is this a form of discrimination, because they are determining my ability just with a look?) I already have the evidence that I am a capable driver (that is what a driver’s license is for, right?). So, why not let it be? I’m not angry at the individuals who attended to me. I am pissed at the system. And this is the fact that SPED has neglected to make known to parents, children and their families. In the schools and classrooms, we aim for every student to be successful in the academic sphere. We write IEPs, 504s, and make accommodations and modifications to the curriculum, as deemed necessary (we don’t give every accommodation, nor modification to every SPED kid, because it is a case-by-case addressing specific needs), for those who require them. Children are not a one-size-fits-all; and we address that. But today revealed to me that the adult world doesn’t work that way. This is not the only example. Last year, I wanted a 504 for my cerebral palsy, so that I could be protected in case I needed assistance with a two-handed activity. I was told to make sure my accommodation wasn’t bumming my job onto somebody else. After the initial meeting (which required me to go to a doctor to file medical documentation…which, like, um…look at my right hand - it’s quite evident), I never received the 504 paperwork. Which means that I probably worked without protection all last year, for an accommodation I may have needed for my disability. That experience showed me that if I have a need for an accommodation, an employer possibly may not consider me (which makes me even more grateful that the school I interviewed with today said they were willing to support me where it was needed, because I still have a lot to offer elsewhere). I have two friends from church who are on disability assistance. Both want to be contributing members of society. However, because of their conditions, and the benefits they receive, if they were to start working, they would lose all the benefits (which they in fact, DO need). Yes, they need assistance, but that shouldn’t mean they should be barred from working. Heck, they are both more able-bodied than me. But because they have a legitimate dependence on the system, the system literally handicaps their potential. And then today. Judging how well I can do something, although I have already done that work, is disheartening. This isn’t asking for a doctor’s note to prove that I have a disability and yet, am safe enough to drive. Honestly, that would be irritating if I had to get that, but it would be more understandable than a full driving test. Maybe I should have hung my right arm lower. Made sure they didn’t catch the look of my hand. If one thinks I am being absurd, then please take this into account: I had driven myself to the DMV, in my own vehicle, without any modifications. I don’t drive much differently than any other able-bodied person (because let’s face it - any other person drives one-handed anyway). Furthermore, if they were that nervous about me being a safe driver, then why let me drive myself home? There is an utter incongruence, and it sucks. My dad is paying for the windshield to get fixed for the test, but that isn’t what bothers me. It is the fact that after all this talk of a chance to thrive in one’s own community, the reality of the public is that those with disabilities are still looked down on and forced to prove their place. How much longer must I have to validate my position and ability, before people actually believe I am indeed capable, without judgment?
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