Hesitation
breathes a sigh of security, yet
Exhales a
poisonous bite of no satisfaction.
It
promises to never fail your expectations,
But it
refrains from hope.
Convincing
that future change may never occur,
Sit, so
that you won’t wound your soul.
How many
times have I waited?
Not out of
assurance for Your watch,
But that I
may not gamble
The
promises You declared?
Dichotomies
swim as words sift
Through my
brain, like perceptual arms run
Through
wheat for a needle of wisdom.
I held back.
My heart
has been wounded;
My memory
carries scars.
Moments of
hope flood before my eyes:
Because
the time was not now; the setting was at Home,
My past
tears tempt me to confine
Expectation
in this corner, where it is safe.
I have
said that You lied.
In my
manner of self-protection,
I read the
Book and say that it’s true,
However, I
needed the confirmation from friends
To
convince me of its weight. I go to You
last.
Fear waits
to whisper:
I am an
exception to the Cross.
In my
insolence, I crafted idols.
I forgot
that while I was falling apart,
You still
hold the whole world in Your hands.
I believed
that if only I could see Your calendar,
Then I
would be convinced of Your goodness.
I clutched
worry as a companion, hoping -
If
anything - my actions could create the change I lacked.
Nevertheless,
will You dare my heart to hope again?
Lay aside
this habitual sin of hesitation…
Forgive me
when I was so bold to look away;
Forgive me
when I have been too timid to pray.
Resurrect
my soul, Lord.
Make
Yourself known, again, to me.
Open my eyes,
that I may see You clearly.
Open my ears,
that I may hear You loudly.
Knock on
the door. I will answer.
Deafen the
voices that mock Your majesty.
Give me a
laugh that will sing Your glory.
Hand me a
pen that will write sharply
The double-edged
Dagger of Your Spirit.
Renew this
mind to catalog Your testimonies.
Remake
this heart to trust in You, again.
To hope
fully takes faith blind to our natural senses.
It is
dangerous. It is not secure. It is not
safe.
But it
lends God to be God;
His Story recognized
in the hearts of all.
