Dear Mother, My Apologies

Proverbs 31: 25-31

Dear Mother,

You were the one who was

To carry me in my weakness, and lift me beyond my dreams. 

When the day became night, you were

To be my hope in the stars.

You were supposed to

Cry courage when I coward in fear,

Speak ability when I felt handicapped.

Tell me of my beauty;

Defy the lies that I found in the reflective glass.

Truth is,

For all the hurts that pained;

For all the wounds that dashed in the midst

Of who I am, I had blamed you.

I claimed that the comfort of my being

Was the calling of your existence. 

You were supposed to be my shield

Protector and greatest cheerleader.

And if you fell, then you failed

Me. 

Your love was the pedestal

On which I stood my identity.

I hung onto your every word

As it defined my worth…

They became my gods as I looked

To you to know who I am.

I held you by the neck.

I bound you with chains.

For every arrow that struck my heart

I attributed the fault to be yours.

Oh, how jaded my sight!

How skewed was the tune I heard!

Dear Mother, my apologies.

I forgot that you are human.

For years all I could see was how you ruined me.

How your words and actions cursed me.

But how would you have known

Hades would twist your intentions?

That snake.

However, I see you clearly now.

I did not understand until

I became a mother myself.

Your eyes were tired from dreams dormant;

Your body weakened from running to seek my own.

Your concerns summoned out of the fear of death

Hanging over your child’s head.

You held me at your breast

Not to strangle, but to save me.

You fought with all your might

So that my soul could thrive.

You cherished beyond condition;

Affectionate upon the introduction to my face. 

For wasn’t it I who had caused you ache

As I broke from the amniotic sac?

Wasn’t it you who called me a joy

With my first scream of breath?

You loved me at first sight.

Hours of labor continue to tick

As you carried my hand in yours

To become who I am meant to be.

Your mouth full with wisdom

Declares life for future generations.

You are fierce and gentle simultaneously.

Your arms strong; carry the tears of children

And comfort them with the cradle of your hand.

Never content with my want;

You met my needs.

When nightmares attempted to make their beds,

You sang lullabies full of faith from heaven. 

Your eyes captured the creative sight

Of God; seeing beyond expectations

Drawing dreams into realities.

Blessed are you

Among women.  You behold a beauty;

A grace my age can only hope for.

Dear Mother,

Words cannot express the gratitude

So late to be mentioned, but bursting in my heart.

For the love you gave, I give back.

And for that, I am not apologetic. 

Hugs and kisses,

Your love and daughter,

Laura Emily