My dear, future husband,
I imagine you here, sitting across from
the table in front of me. The shape of
your face, and the grin you carry in your eyes, the laughter you may sing. I wonder the conversations we hold; the hopes
and expectations for the day, as well as confessing the fears we gain from our work’s
load. I imagine what it would look like
to walk out the callings on our lives, together. Sharing in the sorrow of the burden from
desiring to see people saved; finally rejoicing in the triumph of Christ’s name
glorified as they accept Him into their hearts.
I wonder what the silly things we may do, and the partnership we will
bear, as two become one flesh.
There is an excitement to romance. I have continued to wait for you these many years,
as my friends have found their own. But
to be utterly honest, I have found myself recently longing. Wondering when you will come around. Or will I come around to you? I once thought we would be together, by
now. That is not the case. There are moments I want to rush the interaction
(ask how your day was, inquire how you like my new haircut, and yes, possibly
flirt); pray that we may talk, and yet, at this time, Daddy tells me to
wait. I am left with idealized memories,
and forced to ponder that He has you somewhere for a certain purpose, and I am
still here for such a time as this. My
heart must be careful; ideas driven by emotions solely only become falsified
infatuations that neither of us can fulfill.
I wonder if you have thought about me. If the idea of me has crossed your mind,
lately. Are you patient to wait, or like
me, eager to meet? Do you have to be reminded
by Daddy, that He is still transforming our minds and conforming our hearts to
be more like His? I know I have to. It hurts.
I have already waited for so long, and I wonder how long God’s timeline
still must stretch before we are blessed to tie the knot. However, I know that you are a promise and a
gift. And what He says, He is sure to
complete its coming.
It is time to wait.
It is time to wait.
Be patient, my love. It’s not yet time to say, “Hello.”
I started this letter, in an effort to
write a prayer for you. However, I am
realizing more, that the one who needs prayer is your future wife. Yes, I have, and will continue to pray that
you will draw near to God’s voice and heart.
Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit in those moments of closeted prayer, and
aware of those interruptions that prove to be opportunities to minister. Guard your heart and mind from all that may
distract you from your purpose, calling, and living a pure and holy life.
Nevertheless, I too, find myself in need
to wait on Him. To wait for Him. I wish the clock could tick many milliseconds
quicker, so that Daddy could finally say we could meet. But if I was honest with my heart, it would
reveal that if you were here, now, I may place a burden upon your shoulders only
meant for God to hold. I may desire your
words to an extent that I forget to long for Him to define my identity. You will be my husband, but you should never
be my idol. This is why I know I must
wait. Before I allow you to steal my
heart, and you invite me to steal your last name, I must fully give my being to
the Creator and Lord of all things. To
be yours, without being His, I will only become a kinked neck to the head of
the house.
So, I will wait.
I will offer my hopes, desires, and God’s
promise back to Him until the appointed time.
I hope I will continue to wait. Ever since I became aware of your future
presence, I find myself suddenly noticing the present possible options that
could fulfill this desire of romance, and this hope for a future. Oh golly, they are cute. Have similar interests, and when they talk to
me, it makes me feel nice. After all, I
wasn’t given much attention by boys growing up, aside from being picked to play
sports. They may know Jesus (but
honestly, even that is trivial, because I don’t know them well), but they are here.
In the place I am presently called.
So…I wonder…is it any trouble to take my present desire, weave it with a
present man, in order to fulfill a future calling? Would it hurt?
Yes, I know it would.
For, I already know that I am not solely
called to where I am, presently. So, to
greet a man – no matter how suave he may be, would only sway me from what God
has ultimately destined. Not only to
mention, by eagerly filling my emotions, I will fail to think of you, and then
miss out on what God desired that we would be, together. But temptations are surely around. Perhaps, you know them, as well. Maybe not in the same manner, but still,
ever-present in your world. I pray that
you would keep your eyes focused on God, flee from the devil when he comes
prowling, until and while we meet. Pray
for me, as well.
I know I am not perfect. Yet, I know that from the deepest parts of my
soul, I want to glorify God, and honor you.
Honor you before we meet, when we get to finally exchange vows and
rings, as well as while we walk through this life called, “Marriage,”
hand-in-hand until death do us part, or when Jesus comes back; whichever comes
first. Everything
is made beautiful in its time. And it
will be beautiful, when we – or should I say, I – don’t misstep from the
alignment that God has already foreordained.
So, I will breathe. I will wait.
Be still, my heart. It’s not yet time to say, “Hello.”
Until we
shall meet, keep your eyes forward on Daddy.
You are
always on my mind. I love you, and am
praying for you,
Laura
Emily
No comments:
Post a Comment