Last
Sunday, a student from when I subbed in my first year in Browning, committed
suicide. She was only about 16 or 17…she
would’ve been a junior in high school. I
feel old, though I’m only 28 years old.
Not because I’m almost 30, but because there are too many people in my
community who are being laid into a grave before they reach the age of 25
years.
A child dying is one thing. The matter that she took her life is
another. I am not angry at her. I hurt for her and her family and friends. But I am angry at the one who keeps coming to
steal, kill, and destroy the individuals in my community. With every funeral I attend, the more I wish
I could grip a sword and cut him down once and for all.
Yet, Jesus already did that on the
cross. So, then I get this thought in my
head… “What if we asked Jesus to raise her from the dead?” It happened in the Bible, and I know that God
is the same yesterday, today and forever (see Hebrews 13:8), so why couldn’t it
happen now? I wonder why I don’t hear
Christians ask for this. We pray for
miraculous healings, but when somebody dies, our first response is figuring out
how to comfort the family, rather than the possibility that the person could
live again. Do we believe that this
could be a possibility; if so, why aren’t we asking? Or have we become acquainted with death too
well?
And yet, I ask these questions, but I need
to see if I am just being stubborn. It
is not well with my soul that she has passed.
At the word of a tragedy, am I refusing to accept it? With her death, I feel as if it is another
situation where the devil gets another laugh.
It’s as if another battle he won (though I know Jesus already won the
war).
Perhaps that is the real fight I am
dealing with in my heart. In June, the
eve before IYC, I had a vision of dead things being taken out of the students,
and then the dead things being taken out of our community. One of my youth has been praying for the
spirit of suicide to end. And then this
happens. A slap in the face in the
vision that God has spoken and declared.
Nevertheless, I must hold onto the truth that when God says something, He is sure
to follow. Even if I don’t see it at the
moment. Jesus is still true, even when
the devil attempts to make Him out into a liar.
I know that I am facing this battle right now. “Hold on, because the vision is for an
appointed time (Habakkuk 2:2-3).” What I
am struggling with is wishing the appointed time was now. Perhaps all I should be praying for is a
peace and hope that will surpass all understanding in this situation.
And yet, I still wonder…if I were to speak
to this student’s body to rise, would God honor that?
I have a lot of questions, and I am nervous
to wait for the answer. But I will hold
onto what I read this morning in Jeremiah 31.
“The
people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness – Israel, when I
went to give him rest. The Lord has
appeared of old [from afar] saying, ‘Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting
love; therefore with a lovingkindness I have drawn you…They shall come with
weeping, and with supplications I will lead them. I will cause them to walk by rivers of waters,
in a straight way in which will not stumble; for I am a Father to Israel…Then
shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old, together;
for I will turn their mourning to joy, will comfort them, and make them rejoice
rather than sorrow…For I have satiated [fully satisfied] the weary soul, and I
have replenished every sorrowful soul.” -Jeremiah
31:2-3, 9, 13, 25
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