Worth it Even at My Worst

Please don’t lecture;

I know what I’d done wrong.

Don’t throw the Word at me;

Please don’t shame me;

I already know how to damn myself.

I don’t know how to speak

Without letting you in to see

My brokenness.

You say that you will

Love me anyway.

You say that you can

Carry me in my hopeless state.

Are you sure?  Are you prepared

To witness the perpetual position

I bear to prove myself

Perfect?

That is, frankly, not the case.

A fearful frustration unleashed

Masking the Hulk as a joyful pup.

A tumultuous temper rises

Marking volcanoes as mere playthings.

Demons in which I already cut down

Have once again rose from the graves

I buried them, ‘once and for all’.

Or so I thought.

And yet, here I am.

You say you are here for me

No matter the circumstance.

Yet, there are things in me

That put Hyde to shame.

My own stupidity stares,

Mocking at the woman

I hope to be.

I want to be held.

I am not excusing my sin;

I know it’s wrong.

But what will you do to

Pull me from this emotional hell

I am suddenly swimming in?

I want to dare to reach out

My hand; will it burden you?

I don’t need glares; I manage.

Will I scare you off

When you see the fright of my bite?

I cannot promise that this will not

Happen again.

I cannot promise I am completely

Whole.

Just now, I wonder how I went so

Long

And yet, I have

Fallen.

Are you ready to have me

When I am not perfectly sanctified

Yet?

Am I worth it

Even at my worst?

I don’t mean to

Break God’s heart.

The pain I inflict to my own

Has nothing to do with

Underlying aborhance for my Creator.

It has everything to do with

An inability to communicate

The thoughts, intents and fears

Hidden in my heart.

In the morn, I will be okay.

The tears will have dried,

The knives of depression will have been removed.

My wounds will have scabbed over,

And I can pull the sleeves of smiles to cover.

But will you know me well enough

To minister healing to my hurt?

To love me

When I am unlovable…

To carry me when I bear

Burdens too heavy for my shoulders…

To continue coming after me

When I so easily run out of the fear of my shame…

Loyal in the face

Of my own wretched unfaithfulness…

Forgiving with a kiss

To remind me of the beauty I forget…

Can you do this?

Oh, Jesus I need You.

Please come where no one can.

Breach the walls I planted.

Rescue me from the pit

I have camped within.

Surround me with Your love,

In which a tree and stone

Could not measure its depth.

For You are the Only

Who saw my value when I was as nothing.

Your blood and body laid out

To redeem all I have done wrong,

Marking my eternal worth

Even at my present worst.

Here I am;

I am Yours.