I Am, Because They Were Part 1 - Wasted Years Prove Saving

During this summer and early fall, I was seeing my community and church, and many things frustrated me.  The biggest thing was how there is a verbal claim to go after God, but there seems to be no long-term follow through.  To be in ministry, but have a disdain for those whom you are ministering is not a healthy thing.  And yet, I was constantly fighting a frustration...perhaps a hatred.  Mainly directed at parents. In short, I was angry at the parents who attend church, but lived a hypocritical life.  I was angry at parents who claimed to be Christians, but obviously, God was not first on their mind.  I was angry at parents who were going after God, but were failing to bring their kids along.  (That last one was my biggest concern.)  

     If I had a chance, I would have some choice words with them.  In the process, God had to tell me that I may be right in that parents at our church are not going after God, but the heart I was harboring was not correct.  I would need a change of heart, before I could speak with them, if ever, I was given the chance.  It wasn’t until I told my testimony, as connected with my father’s testimony, that I got the idea of what I should say, if I could share with parents my breaking heart (and yet, not full of hatred).  

     This blog-post is in three parts.  I am going to discuss extremely important things; things that may be hard to swallow, but need to be said.  Nevertheless, silence keeps things hidden and speaking allows for people to be healed and made whole.  This three-part blog is not just poking at my parents, lastly.  The last component is the truth that no matter what our parents did or didn’t do, we all are still ultimately responsible for ourselves and our decisions to go after God. Wasted Years Prove Saving (Dad)

     He grew up in a Christian family.  His parents were morally upright, and involved in their community.  Making an effort to give to the needy, live humbly, and use their musical talents to lead in worship, this boy knew all about Jesus.  But he was a boy that lived in a small town, and had brothers who also knew how to cross the line.  He caught one smoking, so to shut him up, his brother gave him his first cigarette at the age of six.  That was the start. Around the same age, he was exposed to porn (by whom, or how, I do not know.)  By the age of 12, this boy started drinking as well.

     This boy was considered a model student.  Growing up into the middle and high school, he kept his grades up.  He was involved in many activities - band and several athletics.  Lettering in both.  He even sang in the church choir.  He had a nice girlfriend, and they were doing things the right way.  But he still drank and smoked on the weekends.  After graduation, he slept with his girlfriend, and years later, admitted that he immediately lost all respect for her, because he got the “trophy” of her virginity.  Needless to say, they did not stay together.  

     This adolescent, who was becoming a man - though knowing all about Jesus - decided to live for himself.  And weekend habits became daily habits.  He drank for social reasons, but any monetary funds found themselves as the supplier for his new addiction.  DUIs followed; spending nights in jail accompanied, and yet he was consumed to want alcohol.  

     During his 20s, he became involved with a wild-spirited red-head.  She liked to party, and party hard.  This man even started doing cocaine.  An effort to stay awake, so he could continue drinking at all hours.  God’s mercy alone can account for the fact that he never died from this lethal combo.  He eventually was engaged to her.  However, in his own reflection, was only with her, because she wanted to stay in the relationship.  Eventually, they too, split up.  

     Though relationships changed, one thing didn’t change for this man, and it was that alcohol and tobacco were his constant companions.  But they had a bite of betrayal.  This man would become somebody he didn’t like.  In his own words, an “a-hole”.  Though he prayed the sinner’s prayer at the age of 24 years old, he still held onto his drops of liquor.  

      He would call his older brother - a practical evangelist - irate and angry, saying that Jesus wasn’t real.  And at ungodly times of day...or shall we say, at night.  Sometimes at midnight going onto 4:00am, he would raid his brother’s ears with hateful words.  Every penny of his paycheck would go to support his “friend”.  And yet, this friend would let him down.  Drinking enough to cause hangovers, but enough cleverness found a solution to have one more beer to take the edge off before returning to work.  It was a never-ending cycle.  Inwardly, he knew he was out of control.  He tried Alcohol Anonymous, and following through the 12 step programs, but nothing was ever permanent.  Then he met her.  

     Of course, it was at a party of a mutual friend that he said his first hello...And long story short, they had their fun, and decided to go home together.  Whether you would call it dating or shacking up - within a couple months, they found themselves pregnant.  Perhaps, the combination of his upbringing, seeing his sibling react to their own premarital child (getting married), or a Holy Nudge, the man decided to stay by her side, and eventually married a year after the child was born.  With God’s mercy, they are married to this day.

     But the early years of their marriage were rocky.  The continued drinking habits almost forced the couple to split three years into their marriage.  The man’s brother wondered if Jesus would come into the picture, and how so.  Three more years would wait before any change came.

     It was June of 1996, and the man heard that there was a Promise Keepers event in Denver, CO.  Interested, he called his brother to go with him.  The brother, knowing exactly what it was, did not hesitate to go and see him.  The conference was a Christian meeting of men encouraging them to become healthy husbands and fathers.  On the last night, the speaker asked the crowd that if they did not know Jesus to come forward.  The man asked his brother if he should go up.  His brother, remembering that when the man was 24, had prayed the sinner’s prayer, asked a wise question: “Has Jesus ever been your Lord more than He is now?”  The man replied that He had not been.  With that, the two went forward.  The man surrendered his life to Jesus, quit smoking and drinking cold turkey.  He is a doting father and husband to this day.

     He has been 23 years sober, and this man is my dad.  Growing up, we were two peas in a pod, and I never questioned how much he loved me.  He was always cheering me on, and even my biggest coach.  Admittedly, he was not a perfect father, but since I was six years old, he showed a genuine heart of change and longing to go after Jesus whole-heartedly.  He has a practical wisdom that has the right word at the right time.  He is able to discern when something isn’t right, and will plainly say so.  I have always appreciated how he never jokes about divorce, which shows his faithfulness (especially in a family where we’ve had so many divorces).
    If you talked with my father, he would tell you that he wasted 30 years of his life.  He took time to vividly detail his faults and sins, when I asked.  Though there was regret, there was no shame in revealing the skeletons in his closet.  Though his past could not be changed, the truth is that his wasted years became the means of salvation for myself and my younger brother.   When I attended a public high school and saw all the things that my classmates were involved in, I knew that I didn’t want to go the same direction, because my father had already revealed to me the hell that would await.   Neither of us have gotten into drugs, drank in high school, or lost our virginity.  One time, my dad asked, “How did I get so lucky?”  My reply: “Dad, we found Jesus to be the most important thing in our lives!”  Moreover, for me, it was the testimony of my dad that deterred me to desire what became his waste.  And his waste became the path of my redemption.