Claimed

Fear binds this soul
From breathing,
Like a feline
Caught in too much twine.
Like a contortionist
Who forgot to unfold.
The more I dance
The thicker the web weaves.

My purpose misaligned.
Singing old tunes
Based on religious rhetoric - 
I develop my own method
Of salvation, though I still 
Claim Jesus as Lord.

What is this dastardly demon
That deceives me
So queerly and quickly?
Convinces my mind to develop
A twin; but it argues for
Another advocate.
Pressure to please;
Desire to be whole
Constantly at odds.

Rejection's mask removed
Revealing a virus
For more threatening 
Than death itself.
All will be laid in a grave;
However, some die before
They draw their last breath.

Past pain directs future plots.
Settings change, but the themes remain.
Words of encouragement
Become destitute in a moment.
Some claimed to stand beside,
Whereas, others forsook.
Smiles are facades
In the face of a mirror that reveals
The sorrow hidden beneath.

Questions in abundance,
Yet no one answer can satisfy.
For every moment;
For every person who walked away.
For everyone who judged,
And for everyone who was let go.

One certainty is this:
The mind claims faith,
Nevertheless, its twin perpetuates
Grace is never enough.
The feet quicken their pace
As hands rush to bid
A job well done.  Eyes flurry
In worry.  It knows full well
No deed committed by humanity
Completely is wholly.

The Cross forsaken
In the present kingdom;
For a reign whose throne
Had been de-crowned eons ago.
"Righteousness will have its full reward
In the after life."
Severed contentment ushered
In clouds of past and rains
Into the present.  Fear produces
Roots to repeat orphan wounds
Failed to be healed by time.

The earth, in its groaning,
Declares I must become its savior.
One stroke, they hope in me,
In the next, denounce any failure
Detected.  I become nothing.
For without justified effort,
Nor sufficient status,
I am nothing.
Worth identified is meaningless
In the eyes of the law.

But Lord...

You loved me first.
Before my heart began to beat;
Before my mind began to dream.
You loved me, first.
You beckoned Your heart
Be my soul's home.

You loved me first.
When my eyes opened, 
You sang a song in delight.
You loved me first;
You see me.

My victories and failures
Do not escape Your conscious;
Though neither can change your mind.
You fashioned gifts; 
Recognized my lack -
Yet neither will convince You 
To differ how you feel about me.

The hour's beginning tock
Saw my existence form
In the crevice of Your imagination.
You said, "It is good."
By Your Son, I was given a new name.
Your name.
The adoption papers signed
In blood; no return.
I am Yours.

God, You loved me first.
And You will love me
To the last.