Long ago, there was a chief whose son was a great warrior. He fought in many battles, and saved his people from many hardships and oppressors. The time came when the warrior was to be married. He was looking for the perfect bride. Beautiful women presented themselves and hoped he would choose them. But the warrior’s eyes only would look at one. He decided to choose her. She wasn’t beautiful. She bore scars not on her skin, but on her soul. The elders heard from the chief who was to be picked as the warrior’s bride. In response, they denounced the choice. “What kind of bride is this for the chief’s son?! She isn’t worth being his!” She was a woman known to be unfaithful. She was violent and a liar. She was a thief. For the chief’s son to choose this one of all the women in the village was absurd and dishonoring. The chief assured them that this woman had decided to change her ways. She was no longer who she used to be. Her character was upright, and she would be the warrior’s bride. Whether the elders would join in the feasting was left to their decision, but the chief hoped that they would reconsider their dread. Soon after, the warrior married the woman. For a little while, the woman proved to be as righteous as the chief made it known. She was faithful to the warrior, and kept her house well. Yet, the coyote still whispered to her while she slept. He told the woman, “I know you long to be loved. But there is more that can care for you.” She kept the coyote’s words hidden, but in time, she wandered once again, abandoning her husband. One night, she was found to possess items belonging to various people in the village. The elders brought the woman before the chief. “We knew she was no good for your son!” Then they turned toward the woman. “You were chosen to be the wife of the chief’s son! He is the greatest warrior, and the most upright. How dare you be unfaithful?” The woman did not deny the words. The elders held onto the woman’s arms for her sentencing*, but the warrior arose. With tears in his eyes, he said he would take her punishment. In turn, he would also go into the wilderness for three days and present himself to Creator for forgiveness. The great and righteous warrior’s nose was cut off. Without a word, he then left the village to plead his case with Creator. Within the three days, the warrior and his bride returned home. Apologetic for her failings, she decided to be faithful and she pledged her vows again to her husband. She returned what was stolen. The warrior was scarred, but smiled as his bride was with him, again. All was well in their home, but the village would not forget her wrong. Women spoke quietly, and warned their children to not go near the warrior’s bride. Men scowled, from a distance, in judgment. The elders, knowing the ways to live a good life, were quick to remind the woman that she should have been the one to have her nose cut off. This came to the warrior’s attention, and he became angry. He asked the people, “Who has their nose cut-off? Is it my bride or myself? And if she does not carry the scar, then why would you condemn her for where there is no evidence of judgment against her? And if my punishment was good enough to cover her wrongs, and I have forgiven her, then why do you hold onto her offenses? Are you more righteous than she? Has Creator given you mercy? Then you should be merciful to whomever I choose to give mercy.”
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If you have lived long enough, you have been hurt by someone. And if you are someone who grew up in the church (and even if you didn’t), chances are, you may have been hurt by someone who is a Christian. To be hurt by a fellow believer can seem more painful than to be hurt by someone who doesn’t know Jesus. As a Christian, they should know better. The thing is, people are still people. There are misunderstandings and blindsides. And Christians, in their humanity, unfortunately still fall. I wish when we got saved, we never sinned again. Sure would make things so much more simpler. Alas, the process of salvation is a process and learning to walk after Christ is not completed overnight.
This isn’t an excuse to let sin reign in us after accepting Jesus into our lives. But, if a Christian has repented and has been forgiven, then who are we to hold their sin against them? Jesus died for every sin, and that includes our own, but it also includes the ones who have offended us. Can any of us charge anyone with a judgment when Jesus has forgiven them? No. We can’t, because in His forgiveness, He removes sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).
Wait! But what if the person continues to offend on purpose, or when confronted, refrains from acknowledging, apologizing or mending their ways? That is when the ministry of mercy is needed. I wonder what kind of heartbreak it caused God to see His Son on the cross. His only, righteous Son, dying for a depraved people. His justice was righteous, but the punishment wasn’t fair. If it were, the sinful would have died with their sin.
Mercy isn’t fair. Which may be why forgiveness is so hard. When we have been offended, we want justice, but not the reconciliation. However, God desires reconciliation with justice. That is why Jesus came. Righting the wrong, but also redeeming the one who committed the wrong.
If we, ourselves, were not saved by works, then neither are other people. Including the people who offended us. Their righteousness in Jesus is not based on their efforts. If we want to be forgiven, then when people have hurt us, we should forgive them (for if they understood they hurt us the way they did, they would want to repent and be forgiven). It is amazing how quick we talk about living by grace, but when injured, we dive for judgment. We may even say things like, “If they were a REAL Christian, they wouldn’t do that.”
But if we are holding someone’s sin against them, if we refuse to be merciful in our attitude, then how much of our interactions are living by sight compared to living by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7)? As mentioned before, we are apt to still sin, in this present body. And that includes us…the ones who have been offended. Because just as much as we have been hurt, we have hurt others. We all will give an account for ourselves at the end of time (2 Corinthians 5:10). To refuse forgiveness is to say that my judgment is more right than God’s. And yet, the power of Jesus’ sacrifice is that we aren’t regarded according to our flesh, but with His Spirit (2 Corinthians 5:16-17). If a Christian sins, it is evidence that we are still in this world. We can still sin, but what amazing love it is that we can come to Christ and He forgives (see Romans 7 and 1 John 2:1-2). This is great news for us! But this promise of forgiveness is for everyone (“If anyone sins…” - 1 John 2:1). If Christ doesn’t impute trespasses against His bride, then we cannot, either (2 Corinthians 5:19). We cannot define someone by their sin if Jesus has redeemed them.
We wrestle with this, because in our black and white understandings, we think that we have to have justice manifested before we can be merciful. But what if mercy is justice + reconciliation? What if we trusted that God is taking care of the justice (Romans 12:19; Hebrews 10:30), and all we had to worry about is the reconciliation? This doesn’t mean that individuals who have hurtful habits should willy-nilly have free access to our lives. If justice hasn’t been manifested (i.e. consequences, but more importantly, a repentant heart), it isn’t safe to let them in. It is an enablement. But someone who refrains from trusting in the salvation work that Jesus paid for will fail to be reconciled, because they will already lack the freedom that is found in grace.
Mercy is an attitude. Having a merciful spirit frees us to trust that God is continually at work in peoples’ hearts, including those who have hurt us. It means trusting Him to do the just work, and we can focus on reconciliation. We can pray for the ones who have sinned against us (that they can be free from deception, as well as blessing them); we can genuinely interact with them in a kind manner. Finally, and most importantly, we can communicate the word of reconciliation (see 2 Corinthians 5:19-21), because we understand the forgiveness that Jesus gave us. If Jesus had shown mercy to us, and His desire is to show mercy to those who have offended us (and have sinned against Him!), then shall we not be merciful, too?
*In many traditional societies, a person found guilty of adultery had their nose cut-off, as a form of a scarlet letter to let the entire village know what their crime was.
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