God's Got a Great Plan for You...it's Just Not about You.

 “And God sent me before you to preserve a posterity [remnant; remaining] for you in the earth, and to save your lives by  great deliverance.  So now, it was not you who sent me here, but God and He has made me a father to Pharoah, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all of Egypt.” - Genesis 45:7-8, emphasis added

     I have always known that God isn’t sadistic.  There have been times I have questioned why He has allowed certain things to come into my life - mainly my struggles - but after quite a few tears and conversation, even though the outcome isn’t what I wanted, I can still be settled.  Because at the end of the day, I know my God is good.  But what does it mean that God was the one who sent Joseph to Egypt, when it was clearly his brothers who sold him into slavery (see Genesis 37:12-36)?  Over time, I have come to recognize that God will use or allow the heartache of this world for His glory.  But is it possible that God would intentionally do harm to someone for His Name’s sake?
    Why else would Joseph have attributed his coming to Egypt by God’s hand, rather than his brothers’?  Maybe he was confused.  But throughout the end of Genesis, in the story of Joseph, we do see a pattern of God’s sovereignty.  Joseph had dreams of grandeur - ruling over people that even the sun, moon, and stars would bow before him (see Genesis 37:5-11).  The fact that this dream had symbolism, later confirmed in his position as second-in-command, almost hints that this was more than God just using the bitterness of his brothers and turning it around for good.
    Now, I do not doubt that God indeed makes the pain in our lives turn out for good.  But I scratched my head, wondering at the intention that God may have had throughout Joseph’s story, even utilizing the bitterness and betrayal of family.  While thinking about this, I felt like I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Even the devil plays into My plans.  [Satan] encouraged the brothers’ jealousy to harm Joseph, and I already set up the plan for Joseph’s position.” 
    The devil played into God’s plan?  Is it possible that God already intended for Joseph to make his way to Egypt.  If the brothers weren’t planning murder, maybe Jacob would have set up an apprenticeship that could have led to the position Joseph supervised once he met his family after give-or-take 20 years.  But God knew what the devil was up to, so he let Satan play his game, but God was already at work in the midst of everything.
    This applies to another blog I want to write, but even while Joseph was in slavery and put into prison, he was learning humility and letting the Lord lead his decisions, even while processing the hurts that endured.  In the case of Joseph, even in his wounds, it was a set-up for the ‘big reveal’.  If his master’s mistress didn’t try to put the moves on him and then lie about it, he wouldn’t have gone to jail.  If he didn’t go to jail, he wouldn’t have met the cupbearer and interpreted the dream for him.  And if he didn’t give an interpretation to a desperate prisoner, then his credibility to assist a disturbed Pharaoh wouldn’t have been known.
    I am not insinuating that every time we suffer troubles, it is always to teach us a lesson of some kind.  And I do not want to dare claim that God ‘has His reasons’ for the most crushing of pain (i.e. abuse, death of a family member, etc..).  But in reading about Joseph, I am challenged that whatever I may be facing, God is still sovereign and I can have the choice in how I respond to those hurts.  I once met a pastor who said that his abusive childhood was God’s best story for his life.  Which, hearing it for the first time, I was hesitant to believe.  (Isn’t this where we think God is sadistic?!)  However, he was explaining that his painful past prepared him for the future in which he could help others.  Is abuse ever okay?  Heck no!  But he saw that God already designed that this man would be needing to minister to those who have been hurt in the worst of ways, and knowing who this man’s father was, God used the devil’s playbook as a set-up.
    Now, Joseph’s story seems like one of those rags-to-riches stories we adore so much in the United States.  But anyone who has ever been in a position of leadership - as long as they are not blinded by the power it provides - will tell you that the weight of its responsibility is greater than the prestige of its status.  Oftentimes, we seek for God to use our stories to help build our self-esteem and the testimony remains in being that of how He made our lives better or comfortable.  I do not want to negate that God does those things in our lives, but we must not be confused to believe that is the end result.  Whether in the beauty or the pain of our lives, God has a plan for our lives, but it isn’t necessarily about us. 
    God is the Creator of all things and He has seen time from its beginning to its end…already.  Yes, God is personal and our Father, but even our time on earth is a small blip on the existence of the whole creation.  We see our lives through our own eyes, so our point of view is being the main character.  But that isn’t the true perspective.  This is God’s story, and it is for His glory that our stories are written.  Pinocchio is one of my favorite Disney tales, but even though the script follows the puppet who just wants to be a ‘real boy’, I find that his journey isn’t the underlying heart.  It’s about his creator who pursued him - even when he was led astray by liars, convinced to make friends among boys who literally made “asses” of themselves (check out how the KJV defines that word before getting offended) and then was later trafficked into a form of slave labor by an abusive owner.  Geppetto worked endlessly to find his creation and bring him home.  All because he wanted his creation to be his son. 
    God is not sadistic, but He is a sovereign Lord who knows the ends of His creation.  He sees all the thoughts, intentions, actions, and the desires of every piece of it.  Including that which became His enemy.  We often praise God for His sovereignty when we have a testimony how we were able to minister to this other person who was suffering or in need.  It even gives a jolt of dopamine when we know that we were able to be a positive light (with the light of Jesus, of course) to that person.  But what happens if we are the ones who are suffering?
    It didn’t make sense for Jesus - the King of Kings! - to be born in a stinky stable, raised as a layman, and then have to DIE on the cross to prove He was the Messiah.  Couldn’t He already have just come in on a white horse in the clouds, raised sword in hand and overthrown the demonic forces at hand?  Heck, even Satan was convinced to rejoice over His death, until He rose from His grave three days later…and God’s heart for redemption was revealed.  Do we see how God may be at work, even in our own suffering?  Do we dare ask God what is His perspective and intention by allowing certain things to happen, and is it possible that even when we go through hell, it can be a set-up - not just for a testimony, but perhaps even a preparation - for something God had designed all along in our lives?  As Peter so well stated, “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen, you love.  Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, perceiving the end of your faith - the salvation of your souls (1 Peter 1:7-9).” What is the gold God is wanting to develop in us and through us - for the glory of His Name?

Motherhood is Not a Handicap!

      I had to catch my mouth when I had a meeting at work.  Discussing disability benefits, they described pregnancy falling into that category.  “Pregnancy is a disability,” they promptly stated.  I asked, “What,” in disbelief…and even with their explanation, my heart was still confounded.  Pregnancy - because whatever coverage a woman needs while at work, falls under the ADA (Adults with Disabilities Act) protections, it is considered a disability.     Seriously?! I mean - I understand that I have a ‘medical condition’ that is increasingly impacting my life.  Even physically.  My belly itches; I’m more stiff; it’s harder to put on my shoes.  And just wait 'til the kid gets here!  (Oy vey!)  But come on!!  Disabilities are an inhibitor to lives - a struggle and inconvenience.  There is something negative that greatly impacts the overall living quality of someone.  By declaring pregnancies to fall under the disability category, we are only supporting the notion, as a society, that motherhood is a burden to the women who choose it.     And yes, motherhood is costly.  It is sacrificial.  But it is NOT a disability.  My child is not a detriment to my health and wellbeing.  Rather, it is a step of seeing God's heart for family bear fruit. Surely, this stage in life will come with its trials and struggles, but it isn't without it's reward. Having a child is a blessing. It's not something to overcome. At this point, pregnancy financial assistance in the workplace continues to be under the ADA; but what if we removed the ‘disability’ determination and created a more thorough pregnancy care…would mothers receive the support and full care that was needed?     Maybe instead of looking at motherhood (excuse me, pregnancy; because, once the baby is out, back to work we ladies must go, due to the economic situation in our country) as a disability, we could then actually celebrate the life that is about to come (you know, like recognizing a human being in the womb!!!).  Maybe we could finally develop the family care we see existing in European countries (moms get six months paid leave to be with the child, then the father gets the same amount, allowing for the child to have a full year of parental care without worrying about daycare).  But as long as we put pregnancies in the same categories as disabilities, our view of how we should see the ‘fetus’ will be skewed. Additionally, biblically speaking, pregnancies were a part of God’s original plan (“be fruitful and multiply”); disabilities were a result of the fall.  If there was no sin in this world, we would still be seeing family growth.  We would not be seeing people suffer under chronic illnesses or conditions that - again, I point out this determination of the effects of a disability - inhibit the overall well-being of a person’s life.  To call pregnancy a form of disability is a mockery to God’s design for the world, to mothers, and to the disabled.  They are not synonymous.

   

Your Heart Breaks with Mine

 A rage in my soul flows As recollections of past Sins committed remain Unavenged, in my mind. Even an apology Would be a sufficient substitute As an ointment for healing. But therein lies the haunting: No words uttered Of such intention.

Talk of forgiveness -
What a concept!
How glorious the news,
Greater the obstacle
To practice its effect.
And You dare me
To give this gift
To one so undeserving!
Have You forgotten
What wounds wars have waged
Upon my soul?!

No.
You have not.

However,
What comfort can I claim
When nothing has changed,
Hope lost its reward
And the scars stay the same?
Perhaps the only consolation
I have: Your heart
Broke along with mine.
As shame filled the shadows,
My tears were joined with Yours
In the silence.
You did not abandon me
In my sorrow.
But what do I have to show?
Within the moment of a memory
Or a trigger of a word,
I remember I am not not whole.
Their betrayal is the key
To my chains.

Nevertheless,
Can You ask for too much?
Refrain from asking
For reconciliation.
Please.  At least, for now.
Forgiveness I bear
From a distance.
But to ask me to break down
A wall built to protect my soul -
It is too much.
I know not if their entrance
Would only further enable the abuse
I have had to endure.
Yet, in admitting this secret,
Can I become content
For salvation to have its cumulation
In eternity?

Ha!
I’m sure You can count the times
I refused repentance;
Ran away from the wrongs
I was due to pay a debt.
Yet, You desired Your grace
Be poured upon my head
In the hour of an
Appointed execution.

You desire the same
For them.
As my heart demands
Justice to make its amends,
Petitioning Your wrath to have its way,
You beg of me to pray
For Your blessing to rain
Mercy upon their soul;
To seek Your grace
Not for my sake, but for their own.
How bold of You
To challenge my heart
To give of myself
That which was withheld from me!

But You gave it
To me first
Before
They had a chance
To rip it from my hands.
Your love explicitly clear:
A bloodied post with nails
To mark its infinite edges.
A faith eternally empowering a change
That no human could muster.
A hope for a future that will not repeat
The pains of the past.
Do I dare state
It is impossible?
Or worse -
Do I boldly claim
That Your redemption is limited
Upon my determination
Whose soul is worthy and capable
Of change?

Oh Jesus,
How do I heal
When acknowledgment for sins
Continues to obscure admittance?
How do I let go of my need
To prey upon
The reputation of an offender,
Jaded by their own righteousness?
My comfort was Your empathy,
But my freedom lies in wishing
Your best for the closest of my enemies.

You are good and do good.
That includes Your heart for me,
As well as for the ones
I have learned to hate.
No matter how justified
I believed I was;
You have ALWAYS desired
That none would perish.
And that includes the ones
I cannot stand.
Be the change in my soul
You want to see;
Because if You could do it in me,
Who can say it is impossible
For redemption to have its perfect work
In the worst of my allies?

You Say We Family

Welcomed into your home,
Called me as one of your own;
But in time, I found myself
Some growth,
But also alone.
Perhaps, you had your ways,
However, the wounds of my past
Haunted my heart to beg for more.
You never got the memo;
But I also never said a word.
Personally reminded to never be a burden,
I read body language,
Interpreting rightfully or wrongly
When I was truly invited.
So, I kept to myself,
Wishing to belong
In such a way
That was forgotten
In my home growing up.

"We are family,"
I hear you say to our congregation.
And yet, I must ask,
"What does that even mean?"
You may have a specific picture,
But I promise you
There are people filled with brokenness, 
Waiting for you to fill their needs
Legitimately or illegitimately.
They may not accept anything less
Than what expectations they place
Upon your heads.

What does it mean to be family
In the Church?
How do we build relationship,
Extend friendships beyond
Our comfort circles?
What is appropriate
Within the context of our culture
And the defined limits of our lives?
On one hand, we cannot become
Isolationist; only extending
When it is convenient for us.
But we also can't let our hearts bleed out;
Bending backwards even beyond
Our capabilities or what God intends.

Biblically speaking,
What is a healthy Church family:
In its plausibility,
Connectivity,
Possibility,
In its responsibility;
And what is it not?
I promise you
If this is only named as an intention,
But never discussed on its practicality,
Wounds will be expounded
Upon which others had conducted
Damage.
Carnage created in the name of "family",
Accidently attributed to Jesus,
Will further the heartbreak
In which He intends to heal.

So, what is the answer?
I understand we all have our limits
In spite of others'
Needs and/or desires.
But on some level,
I wonder if we all must ask,
"At what point have I used my limits
As a means to excuse myself
From even the smallest extension
Of Jesus to another person?"

I am not asking for you
To become overly busy.
I am addressing the present
Culture of our church,
As a whole.
We are too small 
To be so damn cliquish.
And we come empty
Hoping others, besides
Our Father, fill our cups.

But have you noticed
That when someone disappears,
We gradually forget
To say their name -
Include them in our prayers?
We may not even bless their going out
If their absence is due to an offense
Or feeling like they fit elsewhere.
Is it too much to ask
That if someone comes to mind,
A simple text of, "How are you,"
Is all that is needed?
Or do we cut our losses,
Because it is easier to deal with
Our conscience?

And for me, 
That is of grave concern.
Even in the context of ministry,
Your children are held in positions 
Of leadership which they carry
Little influence;
For how much do they know of those
Whom they are leading?
They stay in their corner until showtime.

You want to encourage people's gifts
But wait for them
To present their offering; and even then,
The intention is shifted in how it can fit
Into your vision, or specifically,
How it fits in the church
Rather than in the Church.

You profess a desire
To become as a neighbor,
But join in activities
When others had the initial set up.
When have you been in the neighborhood,
As is, meeting the faces of whom
You want to minister?
Or do you claim you are part of the hood,
Because you bring others in?
Trust me, inviting outsiders 
For a momentary stay
Only goes a little way.
There still remains 
A division between your intention
And your application.

I don't know what the answer is.
Even in my own writing,
Am I only projecting my personal hurts;
Requiring you to carry the responsibility
Solely? I desire no such thing.
But I think there must be discussion
In the midst of criticisms.
I know I can't be the only one
Who has seen the imperfections
Of this home.
There remains a bridge
Yet to be crossed;
Besides in the name and blood of Jesus
We are related,
But I don't know if we can honestly say
We are family.

God's Goodness Rains Even on the Ungodly

     (Reflecting on Genesis 26-27) The fact that Isaac didn't retract a blessing that had been given under a guise of deception (of Jacob and Rebekah) is quite alarming.  It is quite an interesting thing that God had set His blessing, eye and hand on the one who was known for lying and manipulation.  Like, what. The. Heck?  There were so many spiritual inconsistencies, and yet, God prophesied favor and blessing on the one who least deserved it.
     Which gets me thinking...Do I demand that God bless those who I think deserve it?  There are moments, that in being wronged, I desire justice, but the truth is, I can also demand justice to the point that I will demonize the offender until accountability or change has been proven evident to my eyes.  Nothing less suffices.  But Jesus says to love our enemies.  Even when I'm hurt, can I bless my enemies?  Or do I require that God's blessings and goodness be based on one's merit?
     So often, people want mercy for themselves but require retribution for those who have done wrong.  And yet, sometimes the way God works is that He chooses to work in the offender and sinner, rather than the one who has the "perfect" background.  Can I expect God's glory and work to flourish in and through the life of someone who I've known well enough to witness their spiritual inconsistencies?
     I'm not saying accountability shouldn't be considered.  It should.  But can I trust that God is at work - and desires to manifest His glory in the most unlikely (and most undeserving) of people?  After all, I bet there are people who know me well enough they could point out my spiritual inconsistencies...and I'm trusting Jesus to continue His redemptive work in me.
     This discussion of God's glory and goodness be manifested in the lives of our enemies is so counter to our humanity, because frankly, it is easier (and more comfortable) to believe that God pours His favor based on our merit.  We like it, but it smells of social Darwinism and of the prosperity gospel.  On some level, we remain convinced that evidence of God's blessing is showing how well things go.  (Paradoxically, this isn't so.  Can't tell you how many times a God-thing usually was succeeded by a hellish storm, afterward. Just because things aren't bliss or easy doesn't mean it isn't a God thing.  Another topic for another time, I suppose.)
     God's goodness is showered on the godly and ungodly; on the righteous and the wicked.  Again...this isn't to say we stay silent in the face of unhealthy behaviors and sin.  But in the quiet moments, it is imperative to believe that the grace Jesus afforded for us, God desires for our enemies.
     Speaking of grace and learning to walk away from a works-mindset, I am finding that grace has become MORE REAL when God is challenging me to go deeper with my forgiveness.  It's not just letting go of an expectation of an apology.  It is also wanting God to extend His love, favor and purpose upon those who have hurt me.
     Grace has become self-reflective, because if I want justice to be held over others' heads and even considering God's heart to transform the hearts of enemies, I still need to answer the following question: how much should I be requiring works to be the standard for which God's favor will flow?  For what standard I hold over others, I must hold over myself.  And if I can admit that I need Jesus to work in my life, and trust Him to do that in His timing, then maybe I need to extend the same grace to others, especially those who I so easily can point out their shame.

Gaining a Greater Inheritance: A Case Study of Boaz

"Son of a whore!”   “Hebrew?! Fat chance!  His momma was a foreigner!”     All conjecture, but I do wonder if Boaz's maternal lineage had any impact on his growing up years.  Not that it is stated in Scripture, and frankly, there were steep consequences in the Old Testament law for making curses.  But is it possible that the temptation to tease the son of a former Jerichoite for his “unfortunate” heritage may have come across someone’s mind?  And maybe, it was never a concern.  After all, Boaz’s mother probably was well-known as the woman who hid Israelite spies, and later adopted Elohim as her own God (see Joshua 2:1-24; Matthew 1:5).  Either way, by the time he reached adulthood, Rahab’s son had become a prominent, well-respected and financially successful man in the town of Bethlehem.     His world was probably like any other agriculturalist, and perhaps nothing was too out of the ordinary.  That was - until the arrival of a foreign woman who came across his land, seeking financial provision.  In time, he found out this woman was a widow, and the daughter-in-law of a family member; another widow by the name of Naomi.  This Moabite woman’s name was Ruth.     I always wondered if Boaz’s heritage - more explicitly his mother’s line - may have encouraged the compassion he showed for Ruth: why he jumped quickly to help her as a neighbor; why he didn’t judge her character based on ethnicity, until he saw the character on display; why, even when she asked for the ultimate sacrifice, he was willing if allowed.     Boaz is an Old Testament example of a redeemer.  Typically called in church tradition, a “kinsman redeemer” or the “guarenteer”, because he was willing to provide and cover the debt of his family.  Naomi’s dead husband was a relative, and he could commit to caring for her and her daughter-in-law, as long as it wasn’t another close(r) relative’s responsibility.  And Boaz was eager to do this redeeming.     Nevertheless, the redemption wasn’t without a cost.  A closer relative, who had first dibs on redeeming Naomi and her daughter-in-law, refused the course of action, because it would endanger his own family’s heritage.  “Then Boaz said, ‘On the day you buy the field from the hand of Naomi, you must also buy it from Ruth the Moabitess, the wife of the dead, to perpetuate the name of the dead through his inheritance.’  And the close relative said, ‘I cannot redeem it for myself, lest I ruin my own inheritance.  You redeem my right of redemption for yourself, for I cannot redeem it.’ (Ruth 4:5-6).”  Boaz’ choice in redeeming the widow was that his first son would be credited to her dead husband; not to his own name.  And yet, Boaz willingly chose to redeem her; even had a hint of excitement to do it (see Ruth 3:10-13).     Boaz indeed married Ruth, and soon after, a son named Obed, was born.  Initially, Obed was called the son of Naomi (Ruth 4:17), hinting at the inheritance that should have come through her own son, who died.  And yet, in my studying of Ruth and other places of genealogies, Ruth’s dead husband isn’t the one named as the father of Obed.  Maybe there was an inheritance, but historically, Boaz was given the acknowledgment of being Obed’s father (see Ruth 4:18-22 for an immediate example).  When Matthew was substantiating Jesus’ lineage through the tribe of Judah, he not only hinted at Joseph’s father, as well as being connected with David (king from whom the Messiah would come).  He also mentioned this: “Salmon begot Boaz by Rahab, Boaz begot Obed by Ruth, Obed begot Jesse, and Jesse begot David the king (Matthew 1:5, emphasis added).”  Boaz was willing to bring redemption to someone who did not deserve it, calculated the casualty of the cost; and yet, in redeeming the person, gained an inheritance that extended beyond himself.  A gift of family, through fatherhood.

    “Oh, that poor boy.  Such a sweetheart to care for her, considering how she treated him.”
    “Maybe he’s just being accountable.  Who knows if he got her pregnant before she left to visit her cousin.”
    “Perhaps.  But think of what kind of kid they’ll have?!  No matter how you look at it, it’s a scandal!
    Joseph, in claiming Jesus as his own son, was a scandal indeed.  People don’t just claim kids as their own, if their betrothed cheated on them.  Yet, he did (it helped that an angel revealed that the baby was conceived by the Holy Spirit, and not humanly initiated; see Matthew 1:19-21).  It was actually Joseph adopting Jesus as his own son that connected Jesus to the tribe of Judah (this is why I consider Joseph as an adoptive father, rather than a step-father, to some extent.  Jesus was considered legally as Joseph’s son, carrying his inheritance.  But maybe Joseph is considered a step-father, because Jesus identified His sonship with both Joseph and God the Father…but maybe this is reading the Scripture through Western eyes.) 
    But if anything was a scandal about Jesus, the matter of His birth was the smallest portion of all.  The reality of it all was that there was a God seeking to redeem His whole creation, and He chose to do it Himself.  But, as with Boaz, redemption wasn’t without a casualty on the part of the Redeemer.  There would be pain in carrying the weight of the world’s sin - past, present, and future.  “...And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:6).”  While on the cross, Jesus cried out to His Heavenly Father, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me,” echoing the Messianic prophecy in Psalms 22.  And yet…
    Redemption is not redemption if there is not a return. “All the ends of the world shall remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations shall worship You.  For the kingdom is the Lord’s and He rules over the nations (Psalm 22:27-28).”  And just as with Boaz, the inheritance gained was greater than the momentary cost.  Jesus didn’t just save creation from going to hell.  He made us righteous.  “...Be reconciled to God.  For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him (2 Corinthians 5:20b-21).”
    Being cleansed of our sins is a HUGE deal, but what is just as incredible is that God not only made us righteous, but in being righteous, He calls us His own children.  Where back in John 3:16, Jesus was called God’s only begotten Son, by the time Romans was written, Paul points out that the family reunion became a WHOLE LOT BIGGER.  “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.  For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba Father.’  The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs- heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together (Romans 8:14-17, emphasis added).”  A heritage birthed out of fatherhood.
    The topic of redemption is central to the gospel.  It is the hope we stand on.  It is the crux of our faith in God, because in Christianity, we recognize the depravity of our humanity and the need for a Savior to come rescue us.  But this rescue came at an intense cost.  And yet, Jesus saw the brutal treatment He suffered for our sake as a joy, because of what would become a result (see Hebrews 12:2).  We no longer were held in bondage to our sin.  But additionally, the joy I believe Jesus found was that His inheritance was being able to call us His own…family.  As with Boaz, Jesus laid down His reputation, His right to a heritage…and yet, in His redemptive purchase, He gained an inheritance greater than any could imagine or previously thought possible.  Until it was possible.