How Labor Day Revealed God's Grace

It was Sunday eve of Labor Day.  My boyfriend and I were sitting in his car talking.  We had been dating for two months, but an official couple for three weeks.  Another blog will have to tell the story, but both of us realize that neither of us are in this for kicks.  We truly feel like this is going towards marriage.  The poor man - using all the self-control he has to restrain himself - had the toughest time when I said, “no touch”.  By that Sunday evening, I had heard from well-intentioned Christians say, “Ask God to lead,” but also say, “It’s okay to do…”  So, I figured a hug was okay.     The hug lingered.  He held me so close, and for so long.  While in the car, he held me.  And I liked it.  Very much.  But even in being with the man that I know I want to spend the rest of my life with, I was wrestling.  Something was off despite enjoying being with him.  A reminder that I was blurring the lines.  Thankfully, we didn’t make out.  The way we kept holding onto each other, we were lucky.  No.  It was God’s protection that we didn’t push the buttons more than we had. 
    Though I loved what happened, even when I returned home and talked to my mom, I felt a grieving begin.  By the next morning, I was repenting, knowing I dishonored God and the man I’m with by not standing firm.  It’s not that a hug is a sin.  But, considering my history with romantic fantasies, a hug with the man I love is WAY too much of a trigger for me to fall haphazardly into old ways of thinking.  If there was to be any physical touch, it would have to be minimal and something else.     But first I had to repent.  My boyfriend and I were burned.  Later that day, we talked.  We repented to and forgave one another.  We had to backtrack on what touch would be okay.  However, in all this - navigation is our favorite word to describe learning to walk godly in a relationship - where I failed, I found God’s grace.     Immediately after realizing what I had done, I came quickly to my parents who were visiting for the weekend.  My dad - bless his heart for being soft-toned when he easily wanted to cuss both of us out - gave us godly wisdom.  Moreover, my heavenly Father reassured me how my standing as His righteous daughter wasn’t abandoned, because of my actions.  He reminded me through my devotions. Reading through Romans, God reminded me that He justified me, rather than my own actions.  He died for me - not when I proved I was a good person - but while I was still a sinner.  Yes, I was burned.  Yes, I needed to learn something.  But God, in His discipline, values teaching me to become more like Him, instead of punitively punishing me for not meeting His standards.  Rather than condemning myself for my actions, I found myself sitting in peace, because God’s grace stands firm even when I screwed it all up.     This Labor Day weekend was a sobering, humbling reminder that as much growth as I have gained, I am never too far from going backward.  I can be just as apt to fall into sin as the person next to me.  Walking with Jesus is an interesting journey sometimes.  The more I walk with Him, the more I realize how broken of a person I really am.  But…I am also finding out - because of the level of my depravity - the amazing depth of God’s love and grace truly extends.  Every day I choose to depend on what Jesus did for me at the cross, I realize I don’t have to be held by my past.  God is a God who is in the process of transformation.  And I - I am still transforming.