The Christian Gomer

  

    A woman was in a bedroom, waiting for a customer.  It was clear she was a prostitute.  Based on the landscape outside, her clothing, and the decorations in the room, this was the Old West.  Her bedroom door opened. A man came into the room, hiding his face.  The scene switched to the next morning.  The two in bed.  The customers typically paid for only one hour, but his man was willing to pay everything; go bankrupt to spend the entire night with her.  “Come home with me,” he pleaded.  A heavy, angry knock on the door. “Come on!  Get out ‘a there!  You got your time with her!”  Obviously, the bar tenant - also the pimp in the joint - wanted the man out, so the woman could get back to getting more customers.  “Please...come back home.”  The man was her husband.  While he held her, her face, frozen, was too timid to look him in the eye.

     I had this dream a couple weeks ago.  Something like this just seems too fantastic to mean anything.  I would chock it up to eating something before going to sleep - which in the last couple months has become a new habit.  But in the last year of 2020, much reflection has gone on.  And in the subsequent months, I have found that I am a 30-year-old woman who has realized that I have lost my passion, been stripped of confidence for my profession and wonders where God really is in her life.  

     Sure, I’m a Christian.  A good one, too.  Wink, wink.  Involved in ministry can be an amazing cover for a mediocre faith.  In truth, at home, I easily get distracted with my thoughts and eyes.  I get discouraged by trying circumstances.  I profess the glory of God all the while wishing for my own.  I thought I was good.  But in the year of 2020, I have found that I am not who I thought.  And fear of past failures threaten any hope for a promised future.  Simultaneously seeking my own, despite serving others.

     I am in a transition.  I have poured out so much in my community, but I am finding that my passion has deteriorated.  God is showing that my time here will be entering its winter.  I have forgotten something.  I will bend over backward to serve, and yet, I have failed to love the One for whom I profess salvation’s glory.  Ministry has become just another thing to be involved.  

     I thought about titling this post as “My Pimp, Ministry.”

     Sounds like sacrilege. When I coined the phrase to a friend, it definitely rubbed him the wrong way. But what is more blasphemous is professing that people should desire for Jesus when you fail to do so in your own life.  I have realized that I am guilty of such a sin.  I am Gomer.  My pimp is ministry.  I will do anything for him.  Help serve him.  Encourage him.  Build him up.  I will run to his aid, while denying the promise found at home.  His cries beckon me to return.  Because every conversation I have in the dark, convinces me that  I am bringing light to someone in need.  I am satisfied and justified in standing on the premise that I am where I’m supposed to be.

     Nevertheless, there is a Groom who is waiting for me at home.  I find my pleasure in the many faces I see, but struggle to communicate and have a relationship with the One who paid with His life for me to become His own.  The immediate reward has served me greatly, and I have forgotten my First Love.  I know He wants me to come home.  I know He wants me to linger and live from a relationship with Him.  But I am guilty of just seeking knowledge and wisdom, and never encountering His grace.

     I can do a lot of God-things in life.  But if I forget God Himself, ministry is for nought.  It has become my pimp.  It has become my idol.  My friend asked that maybe work could be my pimp.  (I feel pressed because balancing teaching and doing youth ministry is hard.)  I wonder if he thinks that I should stop working full time and focus on ministry.  However, my perspective on ministry has been changing.  Especially during COVID year of 2020.  There seems to be this unwritten rule that to be a strong, mature Christian, one must be in ministry.  Ministry has been classified as the different programs that meet different groups of people in different ways.  Worship, youth, hospitality, prayer team, small groups; the list can go on and on.  

     But what if ministry is more of meeting with one person and walking through life with them, encouraging them toward Christ?  I have had more of an impact with encouraging friends this summer than I have in three years of youth ministry.  And though immediate fruit cannot be the measure for which we determine if and where we should serve, I admit that much of what I have done in ministry was a selfish desire to know that I could make a difference.  I really want teens to have a relationship with Jesus, but frankly, I failed to let God do the work.  At some point, I pushed for more works and proof that they really wanted Jesus in their lives.  Lastly, and most impacting, I yearned for the affirmation of others, and forgot the love of Jesus.

     There is still something in me that still believes that I must prove myself.  There is still something in me that wants proof that I am good enough.  As long as I am chasing for every opportunity to serve people, secretly hoping they will see my purpose well-done, I will fail to know how much I am already loved.

     I am in a transition.  I am questioning if I want to stay in ministry.  This has nothing to do with what fruit I have seen (or haven’t seen); this has nothing to do with any disagreements I have had in the past with those I’ve done ministry with.  Solely, I want to remember and rest in the love that my Groom has for me.  In eternity, there will no longer be any need of ministry.  The only ministry that will remain is that of worship.  And that ministry is to God, alone.  

     It’s time for Gomer to go home, and rest in her Husband’s embrace...for good.

The Modern Pharisee

 

     I fear many evangelical Christians have become lost.  Not lost unto eternity, but forgotten the way by which they were saved.  Grace.  They have required the lost to become sinless before being welcomed into their arms, and thus, have failed to relay the amazing, majestic and glory of the miracle of the gospel.  The Creator of all mankind came to earth and died to pay the penance of sin.  Three days later, He rose from the dead, conquering sin’s power over the lives of those who believe.

     If we continue calling the lost “idiots” for being a certain political ideology, we will never win them to Jesus.  We focus so much on the outliers, the extreme symptoms of sin that we fail to address the real issues of the soul.  

     Do we know how to sit with someone, eat with them, even if they are in sin?  Do they have to clean up their act before we associate with them?  I am challenged.  I am talking about hanging out with sinners and okaying their sin.  However, in this world, disagreement = hatred, and agreement = support. Out of fear of communicating “cheap grace” (penned by Dietrich Bonhoeffer), we lean toward ‘clean up before receiving God’s love’.  I believe evangelicals have swayed to the far right becoming black and white.  We teach the way of grace that we were saved, but require the masses to prove their goodness before allowing entrance to the altar.

     I don’t think it was intentional, but we have lost our compassion for humanity.  In our desire for people to fully commit to Jesus, and for Christian standards to be elevated in our nation, we stopped showing the heart of God.  We have forgotten to listen.  Perhaps, it is our heart to listen, but our words cut like a knife.  When we post very polarized views that give no room for discussion, we shut down a conversation that could very well lead someone to Christ...If only we had the guts to listen.

     How desperate a woman must be if she believes death is her only hope for an unborn child?  I promise you - many who receive abortions are not psychopathic or heartless.  Would you befriend a gay person and hear their story, grab some lunch and hang out?  Homosexuality is no greater sin than the ones we choose to leave buried in our own closets.  This question on social justice - can we fully explain perspectives for which we never walked in their shoes?

     In this millennium, many people are tired of the American Christian.  The very ways in which Jesus showed God’s heart - it was portrayed in the 1800s.  However, these movements are now not headed by Christians, but atheists.  Humanitarianism is the new Western religion of compassion and the evangelical Christian can only scoff at the blatant sin.

     But all the world is aching for is the grace we profess to have freed our own lives.  

     But we call them stupid.  We call them idiots.  Freeloaders and enablers.  We don’t want to get our hands dirty, yet we will call out the sins that our nation accepts and celebrates.  All while on a pedestal, the very ones who need Christ are left with the idea that God wouldn’t want them anyway.

     After all, why would He?  His own kids don’t want them.  

     We bear the image of God.  If we call ourselves Christian - and an evangelical one at that - how are we evangelizing the name of Jesus?  If we are “little Christs”, Jesus’ ‘mini-me’s”, are we portraying Him accurately?  He never condoned sin, yet, He was willing to befriend and love the sinner.  How can we do the same?
    We have exchanged faith for culture and politics, calling them one and the same.  If someone adheres differently, we immediately jump to the conclusion that they must be the spawn of Satan, himself!  Okay...those who live in sin are considered the children of the devil...but, we once were such at a time in our lives, too.  We have made this fathering an excuse to be disgusted by sinners rather than reaching out to them with the gospel...for which we were saved.  

     Ironically, when Jesus made the “sons of devils” remark, He was talking about the Pharisees (see John 8:37-41).  Religiosity has paved the way for many to continue going to hell, rather than redeeming them.  We are failing to show that only Jesus can save us.  If the way and manner we interact with those who are still living in their sin is that they have to become Christians before we love them in our lives, we are undermining the gospel and expecting the impossible.  Only Jesus can redeem, transform and restore our souls.  Why do we require more?

Resolve

Turn my eyes to Jesus.
Soften my heart to Yours.
Break the chains that
Bind me to myself.
Teach me to love You.

Remember the moment
When I knew You to be holy,
And saw my sin?
Return me to that place again,
That I may see 
How worthy You are.

For why should I preach
Your name
If I fail to love others?
If I don't desire You,
Why beckon others should?

Wake up, Church!
Take a resolve!
Make a firm decision
Of what foundation
You want to stand upon.

Turn our eyes to Jesus.
Soften our hearts to Yours.
Break the chains that
Bind us to ourselves.
Teach us to love You.

Claimed

Fear binds this soul
From breathing,
Like a feline
Caught in too much twine.
Like a contortionist
Who forgot to unfold.
The more I dance
The thicker the web weaves.

My purpose misaligned.
Singing old tunes
Based on religious rhetoric - 
I develop my own method
Of salvation, though I still 
Claim Jesus as Lord.

What is this dastardly demon
That deceives me
So queerly and quickly?
Convinces my mind to develop
A twin; but it argues for
Another advocate.
Pressure to please;
Desire to be whole
Constantly at odds.

Rejection's mask removed
Revealing a virus
For more threatening 
Than death itself.
All will be laid in a grave;
However, some die before
They draw their last breath.

Past pain directs future plots.
Settings change, but the themes remain.
Words of encouragement
Become destitute in a moment.
Some claimed to stand beside,
Whereas, others forsook.
Smiles are facades
In the face of a mirror that reveals
The sorrow hidden beneath.

Questions in abundance,
Yet no one answer can satisfy.
For every moment;
For every person who walked away.
For everyone who judged,
And for everyone who was let go.

One certainty is this:
The mind claims faith,
Nevertheless, its twin perpetuates
Grace is never enough.
The feet quicken their pace
As hands rush to bid
A job well done.  Eyes flurry
In worry.  It knows full well
No deed committed by humanity
Completely is wholly.

The Cross forsaken
In the present kingdom;
For a reign whose throne
Had been de-crowned eons ago.
"Righteousness will have its full reward
In the after life."
Severed contentment ushered
In clouds of past and rains
Into the present.  Fear produces
Roots to repeat orphan wounds
Failed to be healed by time.

The earth, in its groaning,
Declares I must become its savior.
One stroke, they hope in me,
In the next, denounce any failure
Detected.  I become nothing.
For without justified effort,
Nor sufficient status,
I am nothing.
Worth identified is meaningless
In the eyes of the law.

But Lord...

You loved me first.
Before my heart began to beat;
Before my mind began to dream.
You loved me, first.
You beckoned Your heart
Be my soul's home.

You loved me first.
When my eyes opened, 
You sang a song in delight.
You loved me first;
You see me.

My victories and failures
Do not escape Your conscious;
Though neither can change your mind.
You fashioned gifts; 
Recognized my lack -
Yet neither will convince You 
To differ how you feel about me.

The hour's beginning tock
Saw my existence form
In the crevice of Your imagination.
You said, "It is good."
By Your Son, I was given a new name.
Your name.
The adoption papers signed
In blood; no return.
I am Yours.

God, You loved me first.
And You will love me
To the last.

Repentance vs. Confession

     “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God has raised Him up from the dead, you will be saved.” - Romans 10:9

     “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.  The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” - James 5:16

     In Christian lingo idioms, words such as repentance, confession, believe, and sanctification get thrown around.  They are related, no doubt.  However, my understanding of these words have been challenged.  The Western perspective doesn’t get the entire weight of what these words meant in the original Greek.  Thus, we supply our own understanding, and minimize the empowerment of grace that is meant to be brought to our lives. 

     Danny Silk, discipleship pastor of Bethel Church wrote a book called Unpunishable: Ending our Love Affair with Punishment (Silk, D., & Bolz, S. (2019). Unpunishable: Ending our love affair with punishment. El Dorado, CA: Loving on Purpose.).  In summation, he discussed that our culture’s desire for punishment is driven by wanting justice.  Nevertheless, we have people who are repeat offenders, not because they fail to confess, but they fail to repent.  He distinguished that there must be a difference between the two, though, they are related.

     Shortly after finishing the book, God had convicted me that there was an area of my life where I have condoned sin.  In reflection, I found that I understood it could be a sin, but I still struggled to be a repeat offender, due to unmet needs.  Getting alone with Daddy, I had to ask what was I truly believing, and why my mind convinced me that this sin wasn’t an issue with Him.

     These questions led me to do a short study, myself, on the topic of repentance, belief, and confession .  These are observations, notes, and thoughts on the subject:

I. Greek Definitions

-Repentance:

*Metanoeo (v.): to perceive afterwards (after implying change, to perceive the mind, the moral seat of reflection) - signifies to change one’s mind or purpose

*Metameloma (v.): to regret 

*Ametameletos (adj.): denotes not being repentant or regretting; to be without change of purpose

*Metanoia (n.): after-thought, change of mind...a change as would reverse the effects of his own previous state of mind.  In Old Testament, repentance is not so much a change of mind or purpose, as out of pity for those who have been affected by one’s actions or when results of actions have not fulfilled expectations.  In New Testament, it involves the turning away from sin and the turning to God.

-Confession:
*Homologeo (v.): to speak the same thing; to assent, to agree, with; confessing by admitting guilt

*Exomologeo (v.): out and intensive, more strong than #1.  To speak out publicly or confess sin, or to confess praise.

-Believe:

*Pisteuo (v.): to believe, to be persuaded, to place a confidence in, to trust and have reliance upon, not mere credence

*Peitho (v.): to persuade

*Pistis (n.): chief significance is a conviction respecting God and His Word

*Pistos (adj.): in the active tense, believing and trusting; in the passive tense, trusty, faithful, and trustworthy

II. Observations [I just looked up verses in my YouVersion app that had words that contained “repentance” or “confession”]

-There are about 3x more verses that use the term “repent” than term “confess”.

- ‘Repent’ is used throughout Old Testament, and also mentioned in New Testament.  ‘Confess’ is used primarily in the New Testament.

-When repentance is mentioned, it often used as “repent and turn from wicked ways”

III. Thoughts

-Repentance in the OT was more done out of pity for the consequence of sin, but in the NT, grace empowers an actual change.

-Repentance meant a turning away from sin, as well as a turning to God

-Confession primarily means agreement

-In the OT, confession was coupled with a form of restitution.  Something had to be done to make things right.  An action (i.e. sacrifice) had to be made.  In the NT, Jesus has already done the work of restitution (our work is to restore relationship with God.

-The NT doesn’t do away with OT covenant.  We still need to repent, but the change that repentance is responsible to make is done with Jesus doing the work, and we agree with His work.

-There is a defined culture that confession (agreeing that one sinned) came with restitution.  As Christians, we must be firstly concerned that our relationship with God is restored (repentance).  (Do we trust that Jesus’ work is enough to make things right?).

-In the Bible, you didn’t confess to something you didn’t believe in your heart

*confess: agree

*believe: to put your confidence and trust in 

-James 5:16 --- It says, “Confess your sins, pray for one another, and be healed.”

*Confess AND be prayed for.  Prayer is by which God is invited and brought into the situation, and able to make the restitution needed.

*It’s not just being prayed for by other people (though, that is included), but the individual, themselves, need to meet with God

- (1 John 1:9) We trust that Jesus does the cleansing work.

-Repent = turning to God.  Cannot truly repent without turning to God.  Repentance is not separate from turning from your wicked ways, but often the two are paired.  

     So, to consolidate what was found in this study...Repentance and confession are two hands to the restitution process when we sin.  When we sin, we break from our relationship with God, first and foremost.  Thereby, when we repent, the first thing we must do is turn our focus on Him.  The next step is turning from our wicked ways.

     This part gets tricky, because many Christians equate doing better morally as resolving their relationship with God.  They will pray more, read more Bible verses, do acts of service.  And yet, they missed the foundational point of repentance.  That we are to turn our eyes to God.  As of Genesis chapter 15, God distinguished that the responsibility of salvation and sanctification would fall on Him, alone.  Any means of practicing rituals - which the intended purpose is to remind us of the Promise of Salvation - as a means of gaining salvation is worthless.  We can only be made clean by Jesus.  

     When we have invited God into our hearts, invited Him to change our hearts, willing to turn from our wicked ways, believing that Jesus is the only way to be whole (putting our confidence in Him, and not in ourselves), then we can confess - agree - truly, that Jesus is Lord.  Confession is supposed to be more than just a statement of fact.  It is supposed to be a condition of “Amen.”

     The unfortunate reality in the American church is that we confess without true belief or repentance.  We agreed to terms of salvation, for fire insurance, but we never invited God to come into our hearts and take charge.  We still depend on our own efforts to get us to heaven and make us right with God.

     Short rant about Pentecostals Many are worried about speaking up about struggles, because they will then “confess” something into existence”.  But, based on the Greek definition, there is a difference between saying one is dealing with something, and totally another to agree with it.  Psychologists have found that it actually is detrimental to the brain to refuse speaking the truth of your emotions.  By refusing to admit the problem, it poisons your body.  By speaking it, you are releasing it (Caroline, Leaf (September 8, 2018.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea8pHeetkgo) .

     In concerning how to deal with my sin, as well as this being a quick format for others...there was one question, I still had.  What happens if my spirit realizes it has done God wrong (as well as perhaps others), but my mind still is convinced that nothing is out of the ordinary?  Psalm 34:7 had the answer.  “Delight yourselves in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart (ESV).”  I am learning to invite God, ask Him to change my heart to align with us.  Confess that I know He is right and Lord, and believe that Jesus’ work on the Cross is enough to make me whole.  True repentance begins and ends with God.  That is where we must run when we sin.

The Problem with Being a Good Person

I would consider myself a good person.  Yeah...Looking back on my life, I could say that I never did anything too bad.  I’m not like other sinners.  I’ve never smoked, got drunk, slept around.  Never killed anyone.  Didn’t steal from a store.  I’m a good person.  Maybe that’s the problem.

     If someone were to ask me, “What did Jesus save you from,” the truth is, I might have a harder time pinpointing something, because I can so easily show how good I am.  My journey with Christ is more described chapter by chapter; season by season, rather than a complete turn around.  There are pivotal marks such as “praying the sinner’s prayer” or “making my faith my own.”  However to describe my faith, the longer I walk with God, the more I find how much I need Him.  I have come to the realization that I am not as good as I believe.  Nevertheless, it is amazing how quickly I can admit my trust in God, and within moments, throw myself into a confidence of my own ability.  

     This is not only a problem.  This is a conscious decision that has dangerous - eternal- ramifications.

     Most of humanity doesn’t fail to meet Jesus due to a lack of recognizing they have badness inside of them.  It is due to a lack of recognizing their own goodness is nothing compared to the goodness of God.  Society is bent on proving oneself.  We aim.  We strive.  We fall.  We try again.  Doing the same thing over and over.  Pushing ourselves to add more effort every round, in hopes to gain the approval of God.  Maybe He’ll be proud of my intent to do good.  Yet, it doesn’t do any good.  After failing once more, we sit, surrounded by the sin that entangles us.  The more we try, the more wrapped and chained we become.

     We don’t know where to stop.  We don’t know where to begin.  Because we are still convinced that we are somehow good enough to earn the pleasure of God’s smile...if just given the opportunity (wait...make that opportunities) to do so.  Yet, the prophet, Isaiah clearly stated, “But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; we all fade as a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away (Isaiah 64:6, emphasis added).”

     Wait.  All of us?  Not surely me.  I’m good.  I’ve done good things.  I’m involved in ministry.  I worship Jesus.  I’m a good person, right?  Right?

     We know that humanity is not perfect, however, we struggle to agree that no matter how many good deeds we commit, it is outweighed by a single act of sin.  A single act of doing something wrong.  We like being fair.  As Americans, we like our sense of democracy.  Er go, we enjoy majority rules.  We apply this to our spirituality by attesting that if we accomplish more good deeds than bad, then our salvation must be secured.  

     However, we are not taking into account that flawed, good-intentioned humans are interacting with an all-holy, all-righteous, and perfect God.  This morning, in my devotions, I read about how David brought the ark home back to Jerusalem.  At one point, the oxen carrying the ark stumbled, and Uzza, a soldier, ran up to steady the cart.  In touching the ark (which symbolized the actual presence of God), he died.  I wondered if it could be possible that Uzza just came into the presence of God, and it overwhelmed him physically, that he died.  Yet, the Bible says that God’s anger was aroused at Uzza (see 1 Chronicles 13:5-12).  Whatever imperfection Uzza had in his life; what sin that was not repented for according to the Law encountered God’s holiness and was found wanting.  Something that we, American New Testament, grace-filled Christians don’t like to acknowledge is the God we worship is holy.  And He requires complete righteousness to stand before Him.
    Former President George W. Bush once said, “We judge individuals by their actions.  We [desire to] be judged by our intentions.”  The irony is that God judges both.  He looks at our actions.  And yet, even if we are doing good things, with the wrong motives, He calls them sin.  I was taking a walk out by the high school and reflected on the 10 Commandments.  At first glance, I have done well by them.  However, when I remembered that Jesus quoted, “But I say to you…”, I found myself not in the image I originally portrayed myself.

The Commandment (see Exodus 20:1-17)	Jesus Checking Internal Motive	How I Have Broken it, Personally
I am the Lord your God	Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only (Luke 4:8)	I have put my interests before what God would want, even when I knew that God wanted something different.
Have no idols		When I have put people on a pedestal; when I believe someone’s words to have more weight than what Jesus has said.
Do not take the Lord’s name in vain		When I have flippantly put God into a phrase, but there is no reverence tied to it (did this here and there as a kid).
Keep the Sabbath day	Man was not created for the sabbath, but the sabbath was created for man (Mark 2:27).	Refusing to take a day of rest from work.  Becoming a workaholic, and focusing every break time to my job.
Honor your father and mother		My mom and I fighting when I was a teen.  Being argumentative.
Do not murder	Hatred in your heart = murder (Matthew 5:21-22).	I have become so angry that I struggle to forgive.  Essentially, I begin to hate the person who hurt me (or hurt people I love.)
Do not commit adultery	Looking at an individual with lust in the heart (Matthew 5:27-28).	Navigating attractions, along with my sense of need to be loved, I have blurred lines in my mind that certain things are okay, when they are indeed not.
Do not steal		Cheating on a test, as a kid...basically, stealing the answer.
Do not lie		I did this a lot as a kid.  Recently, I have found that I can be prone to twisting words, or lying, when I fear getting in trouble.
Do not covet		Becoming envious after someone.  Usually tempted to do this when I compare myself to someone.

    Paradoxically, it doesn’t just take the re-specified measures that Jesus made the commandments to know that I broke the Law.  Going down the list, I can affirmably state that I have broken EVERY single one.  Forget James’ direction that if you break one, you break them all...I HAVE BROKEN THEM ALL (see James 2:10)!  Analyzing situations where I have sinned, I also found that other commandments were tied and broken in the process.  These commandments were often interrelated.  
      Up front, I would call myself a good person.  I haven’t killed anyone.  Haven’t slept around.  I’m not like other people.  I’m not perfect, but bad?  Initially, I wouldn’t say so.  And yet...in God’s sight, my righteousness (or what I think I can attest) is as filthy rags.  About a year ago, I taught a lesson to my youth group called, #Nasty.  It was an object-based lesson showing rags of different levels of red dye on white cloths.  

     One was bloodshot; one was slightly splattered, the last had barely any drops.  I proposed the question: “On a scale of 0-10, how nasty do you think you are?”  I continued on with the lesson, describing my father’s testimony (which included alcoholism and sleeping around before marriage), followed by my testimony.  I announced my “big” sin as fighting with my mother.  Finally, I stated, “In God’s eyes, my rebellion against my mother was just as nasty a sin as my father’s alcoholism.”  It got so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.

     We often see our own “goodness” when we compare ourselves to others.  But we will see our depravity when we compare ourselves to God.  The problem with “good” people is we have forgotten the complete goodness of God, and continue to justify what righteousness we think we have.  In doing so, we, like many of the Pharisees, fail to repent and trust in Jesus, because we see no need for it.  We love Jesus minutely, because we believe we have been forgiven minutely.

     We essentially cheapen Jesus’ sacrifice, because our sin was not that much to pay for.  

     We are convinced that we can earn our own salvation.  Or tied to our old traditional, worldly ways, we believe we should have to be the ones to earn our salvation.  Usually the former gives way to the latter, at some point.
    We are left with knowing there is a God, but webbed in an instinctual heartache of pursuing performance over grace.  Jesus’ sacrifice is big enough for hell, but our adoption as children of God remains a title to be earned.  There is a battle in the mind.  We know our sin is great enough to require penance.  But we have transitioned our minds to fully accept the truth that salvation has nothing to do with us, save for receiving a free gift. 
    When we finally recognize our sin, we go into overall mode, and push ourselves into “good works”, to relay our confidence, once again, in ourselves. Rather than what God did for us.  There are three ways Christians reflect on what Jesus did at the Cross.

    We can uphold our own goodness.  Forgetting that our sin, as “small” as compared to others, we run into a mode of pride.  We exalt God’s goodness, confess it in our hearts and actions. We are confident in our righteousness.   However, we become legalistic and push others to get it right with God, as well...as fast as we did.  We don’t understand why others struggle with sin or stumble with lies.  We equate knowledge and easy follow through as having a relationship with God.  

     We can go to the other side of the spectrum.  We suddenly become utterly aware of our sin.  We are apologetic, and rightly so.  Somber about what Jesus has done, we then become consumed in seeking to please God. We are driven by shame.  Striving to do our best, we act more as a servant than as a son.  Still yearning for love, we equate good works with proving our love to God.

       The third position is, however, the most healthy.  In my opinion, the perspective that God wishes we would take.  We have a repentant heart.  We turn to Him, but as grateful as we are for salvation, we also rejoice in the title He has for us: child.  He allows us to call Him “Daddy”, as well as “Lord”.  Our souls perpetuated by joy, we are excited to share about Christ, because of what HE has done in our lives. 

    Here is the key feature about salvation.  It was never about us.  In the three ways to respond to Christ, two still, imperatively, trust their efforts will put them right with God.  But our efforts could never save us to begin with!  Why would we think that we could continue the work of sanctification in our own strength, when our strength wasn’t enough to give birth to it?!  When it comes to the discussion of faith, we must learn to rely on Jesus, rather than ourselves.  Our goodness - no matter how much or how little you think you have - will never be enough.

     As hopeless a statement that may sound (to be told you will never be good enough), the truth is, accepting such a clause frees you to receive Jesus’s free gift, by faith.  If you are convinced that you have to prove yourself to the Lord of everything; to be in good standing with the Creator of all things, then your hands are too full to grab onto what He has for you. 
    Below this blog, I have a list of references for a personal study.  But may I clue you in on something?  The people who received Jesus’ gift by faith did so without proving their own righteousness.  The ones who justified their own efforts to meet God walked away never meeting Him at all.  

     When we are told to leave securities or forsake the things that we find our identity and worth in, we will either find that Jesus is enough, or we will walk away.  We may admit the existence of God; we can even confess that He is good, but if we never stop trusting in our own riches, we will lose track of Jesus and walk away from the eternity He has for us (and arguably, away from salvation, as well). 
    God loves you!  

     Let me rephrase: GOD loves you!  God LOVES you!  God loves YOU!  If you are like me, you may have lived your life trying to figure out why nobody cares for you, or why your efforts aren’t enough to gain the affirmation you so desire.  Wondered if all you are good for is what you do.  And yet...God sees you, loves you, and wants you to become His child.  It wasn’t about how good you are.  It never was.  He knew He was the only one who could redeem you from your sin and make you His own.  So, He put the responsibility on Himself to do just that.  

     Will you stop trusting in your own ability; your own righteousness?  Will you believe that God is more than enough for you...and that is okay?  Come to Him and rest in His grace.

For further study, check out the following topics/verses:

*Matthew the Tax Collector (Mark 2:18-17; Matthew 9:9-13; Luke 5:27-32)

*More than Sacrifices (Hosea 6:6; Micah 6:6-8)

*The Rich Young Ruler (Mark 10:17-31; Matthew 19:16-30)

*Parable of the Tax Collector and Pharisee (Luke 18:9-14)

*Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10)
*Woman Caught in Adultery (John 8:1-12)
*Woman Washes Jesus’ Feet (Luke 7:36-50; Matthew 26:6-13)
*Galatians 1:1-3:29