Monday, June 24, 2024

Liquid Prayers

You hear My prayers Even when They are Only Tears.

When words
Fail
To express
Silent mutterings
Of the soul,
Streams
Down my face
Communicate
The sorrow
Beheld.

You know it
Altogether,
As my Father.
As my King,
You are able to hold
The concern in Your heart.
As my God,
You are the One
Who can orchestrate
This troubling pain
To the glory of Your name.

Sometimes death’s shadow
Isn’t what brings fear;
Rather, it is the sting
In life that makes hope trepidatious.
Nevertheless,
Whether it is among the graveyard
Or a moment’s breath,
You remain near.

You have not forgotten
Me.
You have numbered
My tears.
You continue to lead
Me.
And where do I run, but to
You?
Whom can I hide in, besides
You?

As my eyes
Continue to be strained,
Come quickly!
Renew my joy!
Comfort is temporary,
Unless it is in Your presence,
Jesus.

Sunday, June 2, 2024

A Prayer for Struggling Marriages

     Married life has come with its fresh life lessons.  Much of it has been seeing things in myself I never realized, and seeking God's heart on the matter. It has been well.  However, while my husband and I are learning to love and be united, there have been multiple marriages around us - in our own church- which are suffering.  Not just going through hard times; but divorce is tempting, and for one, is being seriously considered.  It's discouraging to say, in the least.  The following poem is my prayer for these marriages.  It is also a prayer for mine that we would continue to choose one another, rather than turn away.

Defying Dissolution
Covenant  bonded
One another's hearts
Together.
Matrimony promised
A forever love
Felt within emotions
And guarded by a daily
Commitment
To never say, "Die,"
Before death had its cut
Of one's breath.

What happened 
In those moments?
What fears were haunted;
What anger left to stew
In days, months, and years -
Convinced one or the other
That to part
Was better
Than to hope?

Is it true that love
Will never cease?
Is it possible to persevere
To know and be known,
Desiring to stay by 
Each other's side
Rather than denounce
Your other half as the enemy?

Is it true that the vows
Can remain honored,
A heart unaltered
By the tumultuous
Temptations of life?
That to fight means
To fight
FOR
One another,
Seeking to serve,
To benefit
And to love
The other 
More than
The self.

Please put aside
The offenses that seek
To divide what God has made
To fit together.
Why must we say,
"The end," before He has said,
"It is finished"?
After all, can we claim
We have a better way
When, perhaps,
God's best is
THE ONE
Whom He joined us
Together?

I pray for you,
My dear friends.
I hope you can see
One another
With fresh eyes
And a heart filled
With the love
That even Christ has for
His beloved.
May your marriage be
Repaired, renewed;
Made firm in the wholeness
That only Jesus can bring.

Please do not give up.
Please do not plead
For the end.
Perhaps, there can be
A new beginning,
If we are willing
To dare to hope. 



Saturday, March 9, 2024

In His Hands

He’s got the whole world In His hands. He’s got the whole world In His hands. He’s got the whole world In His hands. He’s got the whole world in His hands.

My sleep is robbed of its rest.
My mind tormented from daily,
Worrisome festered wounds.
Is it possible to breathe?
Is it probable to sing again?

You say the flowers are in Your care
And the sparrows in Your sight.
Convince this heart to lay aside
The burden too heavy to bear.

May this lamb draw near
The Water that brings Life.
In the shadow of what haunts,
You tell me there’s nothing to fear.
When You prepare a table
Promising Your goodness and mercy,
And the devil assumes a seat,
You carry me as a shepherd would,
In the midst of one intent to kill.

You have the whole world
In Your hands.
You have the whole world
In Your hands.
You have the whole world
In Your hands.
You have the whole world in Your hands.


If only I kept my eyes upon
The One who never becomes blind!
Doubt encompasses my heart
As waves engulf my soul.
Do not let me sink!  I beg You!
Your mind is not as my own,
Yet, in the storm, You remain
Sure and steadfast.
I beseech You; lead me!

I know not where I will be led,
But I know of Whom I ask:
Who holds my hand and never lets go.
Faithful and true; intimate, yet Your foresight vast
Beyond the measure of time and space.
In my pain, I shall praise in my lack.
Questions inquired, You are my Answer.
You bear the weight that was my own,
Inviting me to rest in Your embrace.

You have the whole world
In Your hands.
You have the whole world
In Your hands.
You are good and sovereign
And I will choose
To put my trust in You.


Source material:
*Psalm 23; Matthew 6:25-34; 11:28-30; 14:22-31
* “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands,” African-American Spiritual, 1927.




Saturday, February 10, 2024

I Wonder if Love Is

I wonder if...
Love is more than
Correcting someone,
Informing them how to
Love me better
And making me
Comfortable.

I wonder when
I say
"I love you,"
It is more than
A response to
Fuzzy feelings.

Rather, it is
The intent
To communicate
"I care for you,
For you."




Wednesday, February 7, 2024

Letting Go and Let Growth

     To love someone unconditionally...to embrace them in the good times, as well as in the hard times...sometimes it means letting go.  Letting go in a way that gives the room for a person to either grow or leave, on their own volition.  So often, we keep people close that we should rather give space, because we think that is the loving thing.  However, in keeping that closeness, we simultaneously refrain from putting up boundaries that would cultivate true safety in a relationship, and instead, bend to their behavior thinking our understanding, accommodating and 'care' is somehow going to inspire change.  However, the opposite often results.
     We enable the bad behavior and allow room for it to stay when we fail to take a stand.  I think I am finally realizing the truth in how one cannot love others if they do not know how to love themselves first.  Biblically, "love others as you love yourself (Matthew 22:39)".  Frankly, if we are trying so hard for the unhealthy to be removed while simultaneously trying to keep the person, we end up controlling them.  And when that doesn't work. resentment will build.  So often we want the good to happen that we try to force it prematurely, rather than wait for what God has.
     Learn to let them go, and let them have what they want.  They will either continue their downward spiral or come to realize any error and change.  But in letting go, you also realize how there may have been a personal error in trying to force someone to become what/who they weren't ready or desiring to be.  And how is it loving to mold them into your image and box?  So often we try to control things that only the Holy Spirit can change.  When we step into the cycle of nagging or codependency, I believe that we then have elevated the other person to the level of God, demanding that they are the ones ultimately responsible for our happiness or fulfillment in life. 

Saturday, January 27, 2024

Led by Love

     Recently, I feel like God has been teaching me how not to be led by fear, but by love.  A couple days ago in my Bible reading time (and having then read about the fear of the Lord), a curious, but very impactful thought came to my mind.  When we are afraid, is it a sort of reverence for the problem or concern?  Beth Moore has once said that we can make something into an idol even when we obsess or fear it.  It's the matter that we fear - or give reverence - before the precedence of Jesus. 
     We can be so fearful, intimidated, that we choose not to do something when we should.  This is why fear (the bad kind) is counter to love.  Because by having a reverence (or, in other words, an awe; think being awestruck...what are we struck in awe over?) for the problem, it runs counter to the heart of God.  Reverence and a fear of God helps release control and puts a full trust in Him.  It's a holy fear that actually draws people near, and encourages us to reach out to others.  But when we are led by a worldly fear, it takes the opposite affect.  In giving control (power) to the problem, we become a slave and retreat. 
     We all will fear something or someone.  But to whom or what we fear will determine who we will give control over.  It is a lie to think we'll ever be the one to be in total control.  We are never big enough to handle our storms , and that is why we need to be anchored to Jesus.  And we don't have to be afraid when we fear (have an awe, reverence)  Jesus, because we are willingly giving control to the One who we know is true, righteous, just and good.
     Fear is a reverence and a form of worship, and it will come either as adoration or intimidation.  Intimidation will tell us to hide our faces; deceiving us to believe that we can protect ourselves in our own strength.  But adoration, especially in Jesus, invites us to seek His face.  And it is in His presence that trust allows us to live in peace, because even the winds and waves obey Him.

  • We learn (and not saying it's easy by any means) to not live by worldly fear (intimidation) by learning to fear God (adoration). It is in worship of the good, Almighty God - reminding ourselves of who He is and what He has done that helps us to overcome fear. First, though, to deal with the guilt of "too little faith", I think the first step of worship is just acknowledgement of the problem and our need for Jesus. "God, I'm in over my head, and I need You." Worship is more than just singing. It's more than what we do in the good times. It is also turning to Jesus in the hard times.
           I've been there- wondering if I'm supposed to bring this great big faith. But what does Jesus ask for? Faith as small as a mustard seed. That is a small seed! We come to Him; He provides the way. And what grace! Even Jesus is already reaching out to us!! Sometimes we doubt, because in the past we have been hurt or disappointed, but God is faithful to honor His Word. It may not be on our timing, or in the way we would like, but God is still true, just, good, and righteous. As I mentioned before, when we remember who God is and what He has done, it gives us faith for our present struggle.
         And I know that in different seasons, we still can get intimidated. I wish when we got saved, it all got figured out. But God reveals His magnitude over time. When we walk with Jesus, I think we find that we progress in our faith in Him. Even if it is one step at a time. What the amazing thing about Jesus is how He invites us to pray, "Help me in my unbelief." We don't have to deny our doubts. We can come before Him boldly, and when we lay our concerns, He is such a loving Father who cares for us in our moments of need.
  • The Biggest Lie Most Christians Believe

          “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter into heaven’s kingdom.  It is only those who persist in doing the will of my heavenly Father.  On the day of judgment many will say to Me, “Lord, Lord, don’t You remember us?  Didn’t we prophesy in Your name?  Didn’t we cast out demons and do many miracles in Your name?  But I will have to say to them, ‘Go away from Me, you lawless rebels!  I’ve never been joined with you!’” - Matthew 7:21-23, TPT     If there was ever a passage in the Bible that literally scared the hell out of me, it was this one.  I had accepted Jesus as my Savior at 10 years old, made a lifelong faith commitment entering Freshman year, but I remember growing up with a fear that I was putting on an act.  I only thought I was saved.  And this reference only seemed to confirm my suspicions, because the text described people who were doing things that Christians were supposed to be doing!  They were acting as witnesses of Jesus and introducing the kingdom of heaven to this world.  But these people were going to be turned away from heaven!  How could I be sure I was saved, if my life looked exactly like individuals who weren’t?     There was also a bigger question at hand.  What was the will of God on my life?  Growing up in church, there was a big “what will you be when you grow up”- understanding “the call” - incentive to Christian maturity.   We emphasized doing great things for God, stepping out of our comfort circles, frontiering uncharted places with the gospel, and sacrificing lives to make the news of Jesus known.  All of these things are well and good, but I think those who considered themselves with more humble means or lives wondered if their faith was as big as the ones who were traveling across seas, and having books written about.     The irony of it all, is that I think after emphasizing the actions of a Christian life, and there was an additional fear that if we ended up doing the wrong call, we would have suddenly realized too late that we failed God.  Yeah, that was a thing.  And reading passages like the one above not only seemed to support this notion, but would even encourage questioning our own salvation (or maybe I was the only one?).  How could I EVER know that I was truly adopted through Jesus, and that I was doing what God wanted in my life?  The lie that most Christians have bought into is that the will of God - or what others may call, the work of God- is predominately about what we do.  However, as I have reflected on this passage, and others, I have found that the will of God is grounded in our relationship with Him, rather than how much we can do for Him.     While reading John for my devotions was what changed my perception about what the will of God pertains to.  In John 6, Jesus had fed the 5,000 (men counted), and walked on the Galilean Sea with the disciples.  As they reached the shore, people gathered, and the following discourse was made:

        “26 Jesus answered them and said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw the signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled. 27 Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to everlasting life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal on Him.”     28 Then they said to Him, “What shall we do, that we may work the works of God?” 29 Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.”     30 Therefore they said to Him, “What sign will You perform then, that we may see it and believe You? What work will You do? 31 Our fathers ate the manna in the desert; as it is written, ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’ ”     32 Then Jesus said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, Moses did not give you the bread from heaven, but My Father gives you the true bread from heaven. 33 For the bread of God is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” 34 Then they said to Him, “Lord, give us this bread always.”     35 And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst. 36 But I said to you that you have seen Me and yet do not believe. 37 All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will [a]by no means cast out. 38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. 39 This is the will of the Father who sent Me, that of all He has given Me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up at the last day. 40 And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life; and I will raise him up at the last day.” (John 6:26-40)     Verse 29 hit me like a magnet!  The work (or will) of God was to believe in the One whom the Father sent?  You mean, it wasn’t just about what I could do?  And in case I thought I read it wrong, the point was emphasized in verse 40, as well.  The will of God was that those who believe would have eternal life.  Belief - faith - was the work and will of God.  We will get to the matter of our works later, but we need to understand that our salvation doesn’t start there.  That is what the people were missing back in the Matthew 7 passage.  Because if our works were the definition of our salvation, then every person that cast out demons would have a clear way to heaven.  Every person who prophesied or did miracles wouldn’t have to do a self-check on where they were in regards to God Himself.     But miracles don’t cut it.  Signs and wonders will lead people to a knowledge about Jesus, but it doesn’t necessarily mean an automatic relationship with God.  The crowd had already witnessed a mighty work of God, but they still begged Jesus to do more to prove His Messianic claim.  And if Jesus “couldn’t” do enough miracles to convince everyone to be saved, why then, do we make following the will of God about how much we can do?  (Note:  Jesus DID point out how whomever the Father gave Him would not be snatched (see John 6:37).  My emphasis is how much, pardon the pun, we put emphasis about how much we do.)     It is about relationship.  In fact, it is the relationship with Jesus that makes a difference in people’s lives. Do you know the story of the sons of Sceva?  While Paul was ministering in Ephesus, some young men thought it would be cool to try their own hand at miracles, and when these sons of a Jewish priest attempted to cast out the demon, one of them cried out, “Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you? (Acts 19:15)”  Wow!  Because they didn’t have a relationship with Jesus, they lacked authority to cast this demon out.     Now, that would bring up the question as to, “How come every nonbeliever who doesn’t actually have a relationship with Jesus doesn’t get ousted like those young men back in Acts 19?”  Good question, because it sure would make things easier if it did.  Wouldn’t it?  After all, if every demon retaliated against every false preacher or narrative, we would know quite easily who to trust and who not to.  We probably would have less church scandals too.  With all that said, I have to say, I don’t know the full answer.  My own thoughts, but I wonder if part of the reason is sometimes God sovereignly makes demons obey His name, for the sake of the person being delivered over the public ousting of a nonChristian.  Paul says in Philippians 1:18 (see 12-18 for full context), “What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is preached, and in this I rejoice, yes, and I will rejoice.”  Another component is that I wonder - again, my own thoughts, here - if by having every nonbeliever have a fallout, then we would get used to judging people by their outcome.     Humans are already good at doing that.  We judge people as it must be their fault if a goal wasn’t reached or if an unexpected pain entered their lives.  Christians aren’t immune.  Ministries fail.  Pastors fall.  Hardships come to the righteous and wicked; to the sinner and the saint.  So if every negativity was a hint to the unbeliever, I think we would fall (again) to the prey of judging our neighbor.  And that isn’t lifegiving at all.  Moreover, the only one who can judge the heart is God Himself.  So, with that, we must look at the life of a person through the lens of if they are a believer or not.  Do they have a relationship with Jesus?     Now, I think many Christians may be at odds with what I am writing, because they may wonder if I am saying it’s all about relationship and that our actions don’t count.  “What about when Paul said that just because we have grace, we shouldn’t be okay with sin (see Romans 6:1-2)? What about what it says in James about SHOWING our faith by our works (see James 2:14-26)?”  Great question!  Going back to Matthew 7:14-20, Jesus warned people to assess people by the fruit of their character.  In other words, their actions would speak as a testament to their faith, and also of their character.  It is important that the work of Jesus is transforming our lives.  James agrees with this, as well, and uses Abraham as an example.  Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him as righteousness. What James adds is how Abraham was willing to obey God and sacrifice his son, because he believed God.  And I think that is key.     Abraham believed, therefore he obeyed God by sacrificing his son (don’t worry; God gave a ram to replace the sacrifice and Isaac lived).  Rahab believed, therefore she obeyed God and hid the Hebrew messengers.  We believe in Christ first, then we obey.  We engage with our Heavenly Father, then we do what He says.  The will of God isn’t without work.  But the first step is putting our trust in the work of Jesus.  Without that, there is nothing to add.  It will just be dead works.  It will just be us trying to earn our way into God’s pleasure.  Whatever good we think we accomplished will be a foundation of sand ready to be overrun by the hurricane of life (see Matthew 7:24-27).  The sure foundation we stand on must be what Jesus has done for us.     Christians often preach about grace.  It is often stated how faith is the only “entrance fee” into heaven.  But when growing in discipleship, we then get into nitty gritty conversations of asking people what they think God has called them to, and it can be a lot of pressure.  Especially since God doesn’t often give us a whole blueprint of our entire lives, all at once.  Rather, He gives us one command at a time, one step at a time.  And sometimes what God’s will is for a given season isn’t what our society prizes.  I remember when I took a year off after moving from the Rez.  I mean - no work, just sitting at home and choosing to have in-depth Bible reading and journaling for a year.  It made NO sense to do this.  Teacher by trade, and having grown up in the church, I thought I should be doing something.  I told God, “Aren’t I supposed to be about my Father’s business?!”     “And what if My business is sitting at My feet,” He replied. I had my answer and I obeyed.  What I was supposed to be doing was to rest and enjoy my heavenly Father.  Lord knows that I had forgotten what it meant to be His daughter, and if that was forgotten, then I wouldn’t have been a good witness of Jesus no matter what school I taught in.  Thing is…I knew that was the right step for me, because I had a relationship with my Father.  The year after that, I participated in an internship.  Again, as an adult in her 30s, it made no sense.  I should have gotten back into gear with teaching and working.  But, again, in relationship with my Father, I knew that I needed that second year to get grounded in the very essence of the gospel.  I had learned so much about what I “should” do, I forgot about Who it was all for.  In my internship, I learned a lot about purposeful work.  And purposeful work is when after I have spent time with my Father, He then tells me the steps to go forward.  It’s in obedience that one knows they are following the call on their life.     In summary, there are two things to look for: relationship with Jesus and obedience.  Can you say that you honestly have a relationship with the One who died for you, cleansed you of your sins and provided a way to spend eternal life with the Creator of all things?  Or do you think of as proof of your relationship consist of all the good works you can do for God (signs and wonders still included, but how often do we go to church or read our Bibles, because we hope God will finally smile on us…those ARE good things,  but not all what defines our salvation)?     Secondly, what is the call of God on your life, in this season?  This is the big question, but mind you, God often leads with one step at a time.  When I wanted a big prophetic word from a conference about my post-intern plans, all I got was one simple phrase to refer back to the previous thing God told me to do.  The call of God isn’t a big hoopla of having to do “great exploits''.  It is about being faithful where God has positioned you.  Maybe you’re supposed to move across the ocean.  Maybe you’re supposed to go into full-time ministry.  But maybe you’re supposed to be a teacher.  Or maybe work a blue-collar job and be a faithful parent at home.  All of these are good, if that is where God is leading.  Step out in faith and obey.     I want to encourage you, that if you haven’t done so, or haven't done so in a long time, run to Jesus and (re)ignite that relationship with Him.  Again, it doesn’t have to be this spectacle (in fact, please don’t.  Jesus had a lot to say about trying to make worship into a show).  Just come as you are.  He loves you, and His pleasure in you isn’t based on how much you can do for Him.  You are already the delight of His heart. And when you have spent time with Him, He will speak.  Have faith in that.