So, What's the Plan?

      I had a plan.  I knew what I was going to do come this Fall.  Or I thought I knew.  Making plans can be a funny thing, because sometimes things happen as one detail, but there are other times when what was envisioned is not so.  This Fall is one such instance when the plans I made fell through completely. I already knew the timeline for YWAM shifted.  But I was supposed to be going to Israel at the end of August.  Then that got delayed to the Spring.  It was confirmed that this is supposed to be a season of rest.  But what does that even mean?  I’m not working, and to the outsider’s mind, I’m just chilling and freeloading off my family.  This rest isn’t meant to be permanent, nevertheless, it is amazing how quickly the questions came as to what the plan is for me moving back to Missoula.     “Are you going to sub?”     “Are you going to teach at DeSmet? (We need tutors.)”     “What about Valley Christian?”     “Are you going to reapply to YWAM?  Maybe you should try another base.”      “You should go to Rhema.  I feel it in my spirit.”      “I heard you’re interested in YWAM.  Here’s a contact for Ronan.  They are looking for students.”     Are you, are you, are you?     You should, you should, you should…     It can be a bit maddening if I ponder on the expectations that I have felt inwardly pressured.  Truth is, however, no one is telling me I have to do something.  Most of the questions coming are from people whom I haven’t talked to in a long time, and so they see a new chapter and wonder what’s being written.  Nevertheless, when God has revealed to me in a number of ways that I should be sitting tight, it is anxious to see the open doors, when I have been directed to shut them, for the time being.     I grew up believing that if there is an open door, I should (there’s that word, again…) walk through it.  However, I am finding that when God gives a directive to stop doing, then open doors become a test. Am I going to listen to Him, or am I going to do what I want to do (which is being involved)?  Truth is - so much of my maturity in my faith has relied on what I do for God, more than in who I am.  And when I told God that I should be about my Father’s business, He then retorted, “What if being about My business is sitting at My feet?”     Dang.  There it is.  I’m so comfortable at being busy than being, in and of itself.  So, what’s the plan?  For now, just sit at His feet.  Learn to address the hidden things in my heart that I have learned to bury over the years.  Seek His face and His heart over my personal motivations.  The plan is to rest.      Rest seems lazy.  It can look immature.  But there is a purpose in it, when done right.  I’m not vegetating.  I’m addressing the things that for so long were neglected.  I, also, see areas where God is going to stretch me.  That is, if I am willing to follow through on the exercises that He gives me.  Rest is meant to be active, not dull.  But more on that for another time.     As for now, I see that there has been a reason for my plans falling through.  There is personal growth, but I have also been able to reconnect with family I haven’t seen in years; and am a needed help in other ways.  I don’t know what the plans will be come November or December.  Will this rest thing only be a couple months, or the length of the school year?  Only God knows.  But I am in no rush.  Maybe that’s a bad thing.  Although, maybe it isn’t.  Our society pressures us to have a plan and follow a timeclock for certain goals and events in life.  But God is the one who writes the story, ultimately.  Maybe...instead of writing my own script, it’s time to read His.