Worth the Pain

  There is something about having a shared struggle that can connect people in grief…and in joy.  Today, I subbed in a classroom with a student who lives with cerebral palsy.  And if there is any kind of person I can quickly notice in a crowded room, it’s those with CP.  It’s easy to notice those who have the same story.  Or something like it.  We spent fourth period together, and then lunch, and in the process of making jokes, sharing my experiences of living with a disability, and lastly, introducing some tricks that I have used over the years to gain independence, it finally hit me.  All the questions I have asked God - all the anger and confusion for feeling I was left out of His promises - was worth it.     Oh, how often I have begged God to just make my hand whole.  Just let me be able to open it without trouble.  Not let me have to worry about other complications.  “Why do I have to be the handicapped one of the group?”  But the truth is, I never was the handicapped one.  Yes, I live with a disability, but as anyone close to me knows…I made sure it didn’t stop me from doing the things I wanted (for better or worse).     And today, I was able to see that by sharing my tricks, I was able to encourage somebody else, who lives with the same disability, to walk in greater freedom than perhaps they have done before.  They are affirmed to not be defined by what they can or cannot do.  Even in the messes we made, there was laughter and joy brought to her face (oh, if you could have seen her smile) …because, by me willing to share my story, I showed her that it was possible to live a thriving and fulfilling life.         I have carried such a shame over the years, because of this “limp fist”.  Yet, in my adulthood, I find that it is now something that can be used to connect with others.  This thorn in my flesh has proven itself to be an inspiration of comfort and hope.  What a paradox!  How can something that brought so much pain to my soul result in bringing life to others?!  My goodness - what a concept!  The “unanswered” prayers were never lost…God has just seen that there was greater purpose to me walking through my pain, then if I went without. Maybe God’s timeline isn’t all jacked up.  Maybe He knows exactly what He’s doing.  My healing has never been just about me.  In my waiting, He’s weaving His glory into my life, and I’ve suddenly begun to see it.