Learning to Worship in Grief

      I've seen too often that the meme for expressing Christian sentiments during a crisis is all hell breaking loose, but Jesus believers hold a huge smile on their face, nonetheless.  Humorous as the caricature is, I wonder if it has caused some damage.  I, myself, have learned to hide what pain I have endured; and though I am always willing to comfort the hurting, it is hard to find another soul to be comforted by when I am the one who is grieving. 
     I do wonder if true, biblical, comfort is less smiling and more giving room for the tears, allowing for questions to be aired, all the while trusting that Jesus continues to carry us.  Maybe that's why when comforting others, sometimes words aren't warranted, a hug is all that is needed, and tears become a form of worship.   
     Even in David's grief, he voiced a natural inclination toward vengeance.  But he also was willing to be patient, trusted in God's goodness, and was willing to let Him do His will.  I think it's okay to go to God with our grief and our anger.  Doing so shows we trust that we have a safe place with God to entrust Him with the most vulnerable things in our lives. 
     When we tell people to hold onto a "big faith" theology or encourage people to stop their crying over situations that can't be fixed, I believe we deny ourselves the decency to have an honest dialogue with the One who created us, is sovereign and cares for us.  I cannot say answers will be given, or the answers given will be the ones desired.  Sometimes, "everything happens for a reason" is not a form of comfort.  But holding onto the nature of who Jesus is, what He has done for us, and what that has afforded for us is the strength enough to hope even in heartache.  It allows us to grieve in safety, secured by the One who completely loves us.  Though for the moment, maybe we aren't okay, we can hope that we will be okay...someday.  And that's sufficient.
      Losing a friend recently has brought a different grief than I have known.  Besides losing my pastor as a teenager, this brings a different sadness than other funerals I have attended.  The pain is personal.  Knowing I can run to my God with my tears, even if no one else sees (my husband gets to see it, though) is comfort enough.  I may have my questions and fears, but I also know that God is big enough to handle it.  More over, He remains good, so no matter how this story is written, I can trust in Him, even with my pain.

"Carry the Sparrow"

When the tears fall,
The throat strains
To make a sound;
The mind is cluttered
With memories,
You are near
To be found. As the days come and leave,
The joys of the past
Flood the heart with
Sweetness turned sour
As the contemporary reminds us
Things have changed,
Your goodness remains.
Even in the shadows of fear;
Even in the valleys of death,
You still carry the sparrow.
Even when grief breathes
More breath than life;
Even when the sun is full
Of despair,
You tend to the lilies.
You say
We are much more than they…
So, even in the bitter taste
Of life’s “gifts”,
I will cling to You.
Your love and favor still abound
For Your children.
We are not forgotten.
Your glory is not shrouded
By the threat of darkness.
Pain tempts one to apostate.
Therefore, I will prostrate
Before the throne of heaven
With my mind, soul, and spirit;
With all of my questions, doubts and fears.
Answers may not be given,
Nevertheless, Your peace surrounds
This breaking heart.
Jesus, You clothe me
With Your righteousness,
Echoing Your promises
Of an unfailing covenant;
A hope to hold
Beyond time that has been shattered.
In the stillness,
I can say,
“It is well.”
I prostrate as one
Who carries their tears upon cheeks
Silently,
But accompanied with praises
For the One
Who shows no shame;
Whom will carry me
As a sparrow under His wing.