Led by Love

     Recently, I feel like God has been teaching me how not to be led by fear, but by love.  A couple days ago in my Bible reading time (and having then read about the fear of the Lord), a curious, but very impactful thought came to my mind.  When we are afraid, is it a sort of reverence for the problem or concern?  Beth Moore has once said that we can make something into an idol even when we obsess or fear it.  It's the matter that we fear - or give reverence - before the precedence of Jesus. 
     We can be so fearful, intimidated, that we choose not to do something when we should.  This is why fear (the bad kind) is counter to love.  Because by having a reverence (or, in other words, an awe; think being awestruck...what are we struck in awe over?) for the problem, it runs counter to the heart of God.  Reverence and a fear of God helps release control and puts a full trust in Him.  It's a holy fear that actually draws people near, and encourages us to reach out to others.  But when we are led by a worldly fear, it takes the opposite affect.  In giving control (power) to the problem, we become a slave and retreat. 
     We all will fear something or someone.  But to whom or what we fear will determine who we will give control over.  It is a lie to think we'll ever be the one to be in total control.  We are never big enough to handle our storms , and that is why we need to be anchored to Jesus.  And we don't have to be afraid when we fear (have an awe, reverence)  Jesus, because we are willingly giving control to the One who we know is true, righteous, just and good.
     Fear is a reverence and a form of worship, and it will come either as adoration or intimidation.  Intimidation will tell us to hide our faces; deceiving us to believe that we can protect ourselves in our own strength.  But adoration, especially in Jesus, invites us to seek His face.  And it is in His presence that trust allows us to live in peace, because even the winds and waves obey Him.

We learn (and not saying it's easy by any means) to not live by worldly fear (intimidation) by learning to fear God (adoration). It is in worship of the good, Almighty God - reminding ourselves of who He is and what He has done that helps us to overcome fear. First, though, to deal with the guilt of "too little faith", I think the first step of worship is just acknowledgement of the problem and our need for Jesus. "God, I'm in over my head, and I need You." Worship is more than just singing. It's more than what we do in the good times. It is also turning to Jesus in the hard times.
       I've been there- wondering if I'm supposed to bring this great big faith. But what does Jesus ask for? Faith as small as a mustard seed. That is a small seed! We come to Him; He provides the way. And what grace! Even Jesus is already reaching out to us!! Sometimes we doubt, because in the past we have been hurt or disappointed, but God is faithful to honor His Word. It may not be on our timing, or in the way we would like, but God is still true, just, good, and righteous. As I mentioned before, when we remember who God is and what He has done, it gives us faith for our present struggle.
     And I know that in different seasons, we still can get intimidated. I wish when we got saved, it all got figured out. But God reveals His magnitude over time. When we walk with Jesus, I think we find that we progress in our faith in Him. Even if it is one step at a time. What the amazing thing about Jesus is how He invites us to pray, "Help me in my unbelief." We don't have to deny our doubts. We can come before Him boldly, and when we lay our concerns, He is such a loving Father who cares for us in our moments of need.

The Biggest Lie Most Christians Believe

      “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter into heaven’s kingdom.  It is only those who persist in doing the will of my heavenly Father.  On the day of judgment many will say to Me, “Lord, Lord, don’t You remember us?  Didn’t we prophesy in Your name?  Didn’t we cast out demons and do many miracles in Your name?  But I will have to say to them, ‘Go away from Me, you lawless rebels!  I’ve never been joined with you!’” - Matthew 7:21-23, TPT     If there was ever a passage in the Bible that literally scared the hell out of me, it was this one.  I had accepted Jesus as my Savior at 10 years old, made a lifelong faith commitment entering Freshman year, but I remember growing up with a fear that I was putting on an act.  I only thought I was saved.  And this reference only seemed to confirm my suspicions, because the text described people who were doing things that Christians were supposed to be doing!  They were acting as witnesses of Jesus and introducing the kingdom of heaven to this world.  But these people were going to be turned away from heaven!  How could I be sure I was saved, if my life looked exactly like individuals who weren’t?     There was also a bigger question at hand.  What was the will of God on my life?  Growing up in church, there was a big “what will you be when you grow up”- understanding “the call” - incentive to Christian maturity.   We emphasized doing great things for God, stepping out of our comfort circles, frontiering uncharted places with the gospel, and sacrificing lives to make the news of Jesus known.  All of these things are well and good, but I think those who considered themselves with more humble means or lives wondered if their faith was as big as the ones who were traveling across seas, and having books written about.     The irony of it all, is that I think after emphasizing the actions of a Christian life, and there was an additional fear that if we ended up doing the wrong call, we would have suddenly realized too late that we failed God.  Yeah, that was a thing.  And reading passages like the one above not only seemed to support this notion, but would even encourage questioning our own salvation (or maybe I was the only one?).  How could I EVER know that I was truly adopted through Jesus, and that I was doing what God wanted in my life?  The lie that most Christians have bought into is that the will of God - or what others may call, the work of God- is predominately about what we do.  However, as I have reflected on this passage, and others, I have found that the will of God is grounded in our relationship with Him, rather than how much we can do for Him.     While reading John for my devotions was what changed my perception about what the will of God pertains to.  In John 6, Jesus had fed the 5,000 (men counted), and walked on the Galilean Sea with the disciples.  As they reached the shore, people gathered, and the following discourse was made:

    “26 Jesus answered them and said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw the signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled. 27 Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to everlasting life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal on Him.”     28 Then they said to Him, “What shall we do, that we may work the works of God?” 29 Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.”     30 Therefore they said to Him, “What sign will You perform then, that we may see it and believe You? What work will You do? 31 Our fathers ate the manna in the desert; as it is written, ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’ ”     32 Then Jesus said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, Moses did not give you the bread from heaven, but My Father gives you the true bread from heaven. 33 For the bread of God is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” 34 Then they said to Him, “Lord, give us this bread always.”     35 And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst. 36 But I said to you that you have seen Me and yet do not believe. 37 All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will [a]by no means cast out. 38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. 39 This is the will of the Father who sent Me, that of all He has given Me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up at the last day. 40 And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life; and I will raise him up at the last day.” (John 6:26-40)     Verse 29 hit me like a magnet!  The work (or will) of God was to believe in the One whom the Father sent?  You mean, it wasn’t just about what I could do?  And in case I thought I read it wrong, the point was emphasized in verse 40, as well.  The will of God was that those who believe would have eternal life.  Belief - faith - was the work and will of God.  We will get to the matter of our works later, but we need to understand that our salvation doesn’t start there.  That is what the people were missing back in the Matthew 7 passage.  Because if our works were the definition of our salvation, then every person that cast out demons would have a clear way to heaven.  Every person who prophesied or did miracles wouldn’t have to do a self-check on where they were in regards to God Himself.     But miracles don’t cut it.  Signs and wonders will lead people to a knowledge about Jesus, but it doesn’t necessarily mean an automatic relationship with God.  The crowd had already witnessed a mighty work of God, but they still begged Jesus to do more to prove His Messianic claim.  And if Jesus “couldn’t” do enough miracles to convince everyone to be saved, why then, do we make following the will of God about how much we can do?  (Note:  Jesus DID point out how whomever the Father gave Him would not be snatched (see John 6:37).  My emphasis is how much, pardon the pun, we put emphasis about how much we do.)     It is about relationship.  In fact, it is the relationship with Jesus that makes a difference in people’s lives. Do you know the story of the sons of Sceva?  While Paul was ministering in Ephesus, some young men thought it would be cool to try their own hand at miracles, and when these sons of a Jewish priest attempted to cast out the demon, one of them cried out, “Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you? (Acts 19:15)”  Wow!  Because they didn’t have a relationship with Jesus, they lacked authority to cast this demon out.     Now, that would bring up the question as to, “How come every nonbeliever who doesn’t actually have a relationship with Jesus doesn’t get ousted like those young men back in Acts 19?”  Good question, because it sure would make things easier if it did.  Wouldn’t it?  After all, if every demon retaliated against every false preacher or narrative, we would know quite easily who to trust and who not to.  We probably would have less church scandals too.  With all that said, I have to say, I don’t know the full answer.  My own thoughts, but I wonder if part of the reason is sometimes God sovereignly makes demons obey His name, for the sake of the person being delivered over the public ousting of a nonChristian.  Paul says in Philippians 1:18 (see 12-18 for full context), “What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is preached, and in this I rejoice, yes, and I will rejoice.”  Another component is that I wonder - again, my own thoughts, here - if by having every nonbeliever have a fallout, then we would get used to judging people by their outcome.     Humans are already good at doing that.  We judge people as it must be their fault if a goal wasn’t reached or if an unexpected pain entered their lives.  Christians aren’t immune.  Ministries fail.  Pastors fall.  Hardships come to the righteous and wicked; to the sinner and the saint.  So if every negativity was a hint to the unbeliever, I think we would fall (again) to the prey of judging our neighbor.  And that isn’t lifegiving at all.  Moreover, the only one who can judge the heart is God Himself.  So, with that, we must look at the life of a person through the lens of if they are a believer or not.  Do they have a relationship with Jesus?     Now, I think many Christians may be at odds with what I am writing, because they may wonder if I am saying it’s all about relationship and that our actions don’t count.  “What about when Paul said that just because we have grace, we shouldn’t be okay with sin (see Romans 6:1-2)? What about what it says in James about SHOWING our faith by our works (see James 2:14-26)?”  Great question!  Going back to Matthew 7:14-20, Jesus warned people to assess people by the fruit of their character.  In other words, their actions would speak as a testament to their faith, and also of their character.  It is important that the work of Jesus is transforming our lives.  James agrees with this, as well, and uses Abraham as an example.  Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him as righteousness. What James adds is how Abraham was willing to obey God and sacrifice his son, because he believed God.  And I think that is key.     Abraham believed, therefore he obeyed God by sacrificing his son (don’t worry; God gave a ram to replace the sacrifice and Isaac lived).  Rahab believed, therefore she obeyed God and hid the Hebrew messengers.  We believe in Christ first, then we obey.  We engage with our Heavenly Father, then we do what He says.  The will of God isn’t without work.  But the first step is putting our trust in the work of Jesus.  Without that, there is nothing to add.  It will just be dead works.  It will just be us trying to earn our way into God’s pleasure.  Whatever good we think we accomplished will be a foundation of sand ready to be overrun by the hurricane of life (see Matthew 7:24-27).  The sure foundation we stand on must be what Jesus has done for us.     Christians often preach about grace.  It is often stated how faith is the only “entrance fee” into heaven.  But when growing in discipleship, we then get into nitty gritty conversations of asking people what they think God has called them to, and it can be a lot of pressure.  Especially since God doesn’t often give us a whole blueprint of our entire lives, all at once.  Rather, He gives us one command at a time, one step at a time.  And sometimes what God’s will is for a given season isn’t what our society prizes.  I remember when I took a year off after moving from the Rez.  I mean - no work, just sitting at home and choosing to have in-depth Bible reading and journaling for a year.  It made NO sense to do this.  Teacher by trade, and having grown up in the church, I thought I should be doing something.  I told God, “Aren’t I supposed to be about my Father’s business?!”     “And what if My business is sitting at My feet,” He replied. I had my answer and I obeyed.  What I was supposed to be doing was to rest and enjoy my heavenly Father.  Lord knows that I had forgotten what it meant to be His daughter, and if that was forgotten, then I wouldn’t have been a good witness of Jesus no matter what school I taught in.  Thing is…I knew that was the right step for me, because I had a relationship with my Father.  The year after that, I participated in an internship.  Again, as an adult in her 30s, it made no sense.  I should have gotten back into gear with teaching and working.  But, again, in relationship with my Father, I knew that I needed that second year to get grounded in the very essence of the gospel.  I had learned so much about what I “should” do, I forgot about Who it was all for.  In my internship, I learned a lot about purposeful work.  And purposeful work is when after I have spent time with my Father, He then tells me the steps to go forward.  It’s in obedience that one knows they are following the call on their life.     In summary, there are two things to look for: relationship with Jesus and obedience.  Can you say that you honestly have a relationship with the One who died for you, cleansed you of your sins and provided a way to spend eternal life with the Creator of all things?  Or do you think of as proof of your relationship consist of all the good works you can do for God (signs and wonders still included, but how often do we go to church or read our Bibles, because we hope God will finally smile on us…those ARE good things,  but not all what defines our salvation)?     Secondly, what is the call of God on your life, in this season?  This is the big question, but mind you, God often leads with one step at a time.  When I wanted a big prophetic word from a conference about my post-intern plans, all I got was one simple phrase to refer back to the previous thing God told me to do.  The call of God isn’t a big hoopla of having to do “great exploits''.  It is about being faithful where God has positioned you.  Maybe you’re supposed to move across the ocean.  Maybe you’re supposed to go into full-time ministry.  But maybe you’re supposed to be a teacher.  Or maybe work a blue-collar job and be a faithful parent at home.  All of these are good, if that is where God is leading.  Step out in faith and obey.     I want to encourage you, that if you haven’t done so, or haven't done so in a long time, run to Jesus and (re)ignite that relationship with Him.  Again, it doesn’t have to be this spectacle (in fact, please don’t.  Jesus had a lot to say about trying to make worship into a show).  Just come as you are.  He loves you, and His pleasure in you isn’t based on how much you can do for Him.  You are already the delight of His heart. And when you have spent time with Him, He will speak.  Have faith in that.

Stand by My Side

Please don't
Walk away,
Even for 
A moment.
I need you
To stand by 
My side.
Even if you stay 
Silent
For this moment.
I need you
Here.

Time will tell
What truth to this threat
Reveals; until then,
Please don't
Leave me alone.
Please don't 
Abandon me 
To a possible invasion
Of our love.

I grew up 
With people
Who grew silent
In the face of threats.
Scared of what demons
Could be unleashed
In anger, they became mute
When their words
Were the protection I needed.
I grew silent myself, wondering
Where and why
My guardians chose to reside
Instead of beside me.
In their absence,
I was left to words that stung
Like wolves with teeth like daggers.   

You wonder how you may lead.
You wonder if I will give you the chance.
I want to.  
But will you be my guard 
When another may undermine
What we have?
I need you to stand.
Even if
You are silent 

Until God gives you the strength
And words to confront;
Until then I can speak,
But will you stand 
Beside my body so 
He has no chance 
To think he may have a chance?
Treasures are meant
To be protected.
So, will you please 
Take a stand
Beside me?

I know a fire
Brews inside you,
And you fear 
You will cease to contain it.
The grace God has given you
Has been emptied for an enemy.
But could God give you the courage
To stand and pray when you 
Have run out?
Could God give you the heart
For redemption
In the way it was given you?
Is your fleeing 
Because God has been speaking,
Or out of fear?

I know 
Neither of us 
Can do this
Alone.  
In this moment,
I feel surrounded
By pain.
Yet, I know
Even in my tears,
Our Father is surrounding us.
I don't know 
What the answer should be
Or how long we must battle.
What I do know is
We will win
When we are together.

Waiting

I always said 

I was waiting for the one You brought me.  

Never had a man to call my own, 

Before; it is easy to say.  

But the past dreams I wrote 

In secret 

Prove I never waited.  

Or...

I stopped waiting 

Long before I confessed.  

I poured out myself, longing to be loved - 

Justifying it,
Because who else 

Would cherish me the way You do? 

 
I did not wait.  

I have stirred up love before its time. 

And now that You have brought the one 

Who You meant for me, my heart refuses to remain patient.  

Why should I?!  Haven't I waited long enough?  

Oh, but wait.  

I haven't.

All those moments 

Where I brought imaginary men into my bed

Are the moments I must admit my guilt.  

You have called me out.  

If these men were real,

Would these men or their families feel like 

I raped them mentally?  

I had them in the bed of my mind 

Without their consent.  After all, that's how I felt 

When a man asked for my body, 

Even though he never touched me.

Oh, but the touch!  

Isn't that what I long for?  

In my separation from family and newfound loneliness, 

I wondered who would love me as me. 

I missed the welcoming hugs that invited me 

Into a home greater than my own.  I leaned into 

The imaginations like I did when I was a child.  

Alone, felt unloved; 

I would mind my own

And create the belonging I so craved for.

I should be grateful 

That the man You gave me is a delight to my senses.  

However, the forgotten sensations 

In adolescence are woken again, 

And I don't want to sleep again.  

My childhood ignorance met my adult sin...

And with the kiss of his love, 

My patience does not want its perfect gift.  

Desire for him grows;

To convince me to wait 

Only makes me frustrated 

That I cannot take hold of what has been promised to me.

Can I just have a peek?  

"Can I just have a poke," 

Is more like the lust that screams, "NOW" 

When You say, "Not yet".  

Deception has its perfect lie 

When it grasps onto the complete truth, 

But takes one step out of line.  

And my mind is convinced that because he will be, 

Treat him as is.

Oh God, sanctify my heart, 

And renew my mind.  

Restore the innocence of my soul 

That was shattered years ago.  

     Help me to wait.

A Response to the Cessationist Argument

Taken from a Facebook post

     Tongues aren't gibberish. I agree. They are a holy language between a person and God. It is a way to speak to God, when we do not know what to pray (Romans 8; 1 Corinthians 14). Prophecy - as vague impressions, can allow for someone to have a word of knowledge to explain what is on God's heart. Prophecy is not a "Christian form of fortune telling". Moreover, when I have seen prophetic words given, mostly, it isn't in a vague impression. The way that God gives me a word is often a Scripture, and then I ask God what He is wanting to say. Sometimes we want more specific words; my experience has shown me that a prophetic word has been just a step of direction, but not a complete blueprint of God's plan. And it is also meant to be coupled with confirming words (to back the 2-3 witnesses needed). Prophetic words are not scriptural, so yes, they need to be weighed and prayed through/for. Prophecy is hearing what is on God's heart to speak to people.
     As for healing...this is a tough one, because I think so many people have been hurt. I can't tell you how many times I went up to be prayed for to be healed, and my hand is the same. It is very easy to say that healing must happen automatically. Or, to spare ourselves from disappointment, we simply pray, "God, if it is Your will," and create a safe prayer. I think God honors bold prayers. This isn't to say we should do what some charismatics have done which is "name it and claim it". Rather, I can see what God has done, and I say, "God, I ask..." knowing that His timeline for healing is broader than my own. But I still am hopeful and expectant. God does heal in progress, in heaven, but I have seen Him immediately. I have seen shoulders healed, a student come out of a car accident alive when they should have died immediately, rheumatoid arthritis disappear, and even my own leg grew.
     I think - and I may be incorrect about this - that many who side on that the charismatic gifts being unbiblical, or dead are 1) from a Western perspective and/or 2) have been hurt in some way by people who have used those gifts immaturely or incorrectly. On the Western perspective- we have grown so reliant on our technology and intellectualism - especially with the matter of enlightenment and atheism abounding, why else would we need God to move in great ways? We can just think about "what should be said". But those in nonWestern cultures, I don't know...hey understand there is a spiritual realm, and therefore, need spiritual intervening. I know we, in America, do still have need of Jesus - and we find ourselves in great distress, which leads to my second point.
     We often have been hurt when the gifts have been used incorrectly or immaturely. Incorrect, meaning there is intention to harm, immature due to people really wanting to share God's love and heart, but may have misspoke, misheard, or misunderstood. God is perfect, and there is no error in Him. But, we still being human, still can fail. We have been saved by grace, and we work through grace. But we see and know in part (see end of 1 Corinthians 13). That is why prophetic words are to be weighed. I have often felt prophetic words are supposed to be used to confirm what God is already saying, not necessarily supposed to be the starting point. When we use the prophetic as the start, then we decide to make it into a fortune telling. Words of knowledge are a means to pray for someone, and if led to share, do so that will bring Christ's love and grace into the conversation. And ALWAYS, when sharing, I don't say, "God said", but rather, "I feel God is saying....does this make sense". This allows people to give room for the Holy Spirit to check and weigh the word. I was in Mexico last February, and received prophetic words and words of knowledge that were ON POINT. And these people spoke a different language, and never met me. There is NO WAY they could have known my heart for missions, other than that God - because HE knows me - revealed that. And the thing about prophetic words...like healings, their fruits are not always immediate.
     I think that is where we often make the mistake. And I do understand that in the Bible, Jesus healed and it was immediate. But what of the man who was blind, and the first time that he was prayed for, he saw people as if they were trees? What of the man who was healed when Peter and John prayed for him (Acts 4); he waited 38 YEARS for healing- and I bet you, he prayed. It doesn't mean that God didn't want to heal, but God's glory - in the healing - was for a set appointed time. And God's glory is still revealed even in the waiting (see Hebrews 11). We want God to work so much NOW and in certain ways, that if God speaks or moves, we either cynically say, "FINALLY, God did something [scoffing attitude]," or we can miss it altogether.
     God still moves. I know it, scripturally (are we going to deny 1 Corinthians 12-16?), as well as through experience. People have walked in those gifts wrong; and yes, I have been hurt too, but I have seen it done right, with care and compassion and wisdom. Now, this is the purpose of those gifts: I believe they are needed, because God still remains the God He was, and He desires to show His love and grace even in tangible ways. I believe He remains a relational God who still speaks (and note: prophetic words are NOT to counter Scripture, and if they are specific, then carry with a soft hand) and wants to communicate with His people. Most of all, they are to glorify Him and introduce Him to people. And walking with Him, the Holy Spirit continues to speak (it's not just to get people saved).
     I have learned to be dependent on God, and I have grown to trust Him, and ask Him for bold things. But I also trust that my Daddy is sovereign and will take care of things, even if it's not exactly how I had asked for. This includes timing, specific places, people, and ways. But I can say that I know that the gifts are needed in that they help share the Gospel. This isn't to promise that if people believe in Jesus, all there problems will be resolved, but God speaking and continuing to heal reveal God's heart for us.

Singleness is Not a Season

Obtained from
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"Enjoy this season,” many well-meaning married Christians say to singles.  As if, there is a point to their specific status of uno.  Granted, being single and living a godly life introduces a need for maturation, but that comes with age, anyway.  However, the main concern that is prevalent is how often being single is used as an excuse for a season of preparation for something more…as if marriage is the end goal.  I do not disagree with the sentiment that while in singleness, one should be growing in character.  However, why is singleness described as a season as if it is something to pass from into something else?     Because seasons change.  And though I am at the stage in life where I am in a romantic relationship with someone, I still remember the pains I had being a single person.  I remember feeling like I wasn’t catching anyone’s eyes, and wondering how much I was supposed to grow in order to finally attract someone.  I wondered if I had some character defect I was supposed to work out before meeting someone…which only then left me feeling I had to become the perfect person before meeting my perfect person.  I remember feeling left out of certain friends’ circles, because they were couples and I was not.     That hurt.  And I never felt like I was going to be enough to be enough for someone.  Moreover, and this is the problem with describing singleness as a season is - unlike seasons, what if someone’s relationship status never changes?  There are people who do not get married, whether or not it was their desire.  What do we say of those who chose to stay single in order to use their life as a full-time ministry?  Oh wait.  We are okay with that, because then it is a gift of the Holy Spirit.      We can unintentionally judge Christians who are single, because we continually say, “enjoy this season”, when we do not consider that this “season” may or may not pass.  And that is the problem.  We can often discuss marriage as a higher season (wait, isn't that a life-long commitment?) to reach; and if it isn’t that, then it is having children.  “I learn more about God’s unconditional love in my marriage season,” or “I understood the depth of God’s love when I became a parent.”  Can singles learn this, too?  And I am not discounting the claims of the lessons I am learning in having dated.  I just want to make sure we are not discounting our single people from the lessons that God has for them, regardless of their relationship status.     We have often made marriage the goal for life-long happiness.  I know many mothers who have pointed out men to their daughters, in the name of “just wanting them to be happy”.  What makes them being single a determining factor that they are not happy?  I actually enjoyed my singleness while in my twenties.  It was the being left out that was the hang-up for me.  Even in singleness, I still needed community.     Now, for any single person reading this, I may come across as another newly-engaged person telling some advice that isn’t wanted.  However, considering that my fiancé was my first and only boyfriend, and I was single for a long time before meeting him, I think I have some understanding of what it is like to be “in the single season”.  And if willing to read on, this is what I wish to say:

    I want you to go after all that God has for you.  Whether you are single, dating, engaged or married.  Seek after Him with your whole heart, and follow His lead.  He is always at work, and He chooses to work His story in you,  with you, as well as in your life.  I would much rather encourage you to jump in whatever God has in store, for every chapter (year) of your life, rather than calling this stage of your life a season.  Single or not, God will bring people beside you in the forms of friends, family and if it comes, a marriage life partner.     Take this time to invest what God has for you, because the reality is, it isn’t going to stop when in a relationship with someone.  Enjoy the moments of happiness, and mourn the moments that bring tears.  And these will happen in marriage, too.  Start reflecting on your character, and where God convicts, address it.  But do not expect that you have to have it all figured out by the time you may meet someone.  Just prepare the habit, because when you start knowing someone, trust me, you’ll realize that you’ll get to know more about yourself, too.  Nevertheless, allowing God’s grace to have its perfect work is something we Christians are supposed to do, anyway, whether we have a ring or not.     Recognize that your wholeness is never grounded in what you can do, or in the being of another to stand next to you.  Ain’t it a funny thing that we do have a tendency to define ourselves by our accomplishments, and others by their existence?  However, the worth of any and all beings is solely defined by the Creator who formed them.  YOU were created for such a time as this, God loves you, and desires to walk with you in the fullness of your life.  As frightening as that sounds, it is a comfort, because He already unconditionally loves you.  And whatever you accomplish for Jesus’ name has already been predestined  by His plan for you, and is enabled by His grace.  So, will you stand and go forth?     Because the Church needs you.  We need our single people to go forth in all that God has.  Not because we think you have so much more time to serve than us.  That is, admittedly, an immature way at looking at ministry.  (Because even in marriage and parenthood, we do not cease to be called as ambassadors of Jesus’ sacrifice.)  No, we need you, because God has created you each, specifically with distinct personalities, interests, gifts, desires and passions.  And you are able to jump into them, now.       As someone who is in a relationship, I want to let my single friends know: I still need you in my circle.  I still need your perspective, your friendship and your prayers.  If I decided to walk away from friends, because they are not married, who else will I have in my corner?  Yes, I can say, “Other married couples, of course!”  But where will the gift of my single friends be, if I forgot them?  I’m so sorry that we have made marriage an idol, and only include you if you are interested in relationships, or when we have a service project.  We have called singleness a season, as if you are supposed to prepare for something other than what God has for you.  And frankly, if singleness is only a season, then what will that say when some of you will not marry?     The truth is, you are the gift.  Aside from your relationship status, occupation, accomplishments, mistakes, or experience - YOU are the gift.  And the Church needs you, because, as a Christian single, you are part of the family. 

     I am grieved how singleness has been addressed, or treated in the larger sphere of the Western church culture.  It isn’t a season.  People should always be growing, and yes, when one is single, it is important to be learning about yourself before anyone comes into your life.  However, can we PU-LEASE stop making singles feel like they have to go through some initiation before we include them in ministry…or more so, as part of our lives?  I wonder if singles are only included in larger spheres of people and conversations when the topic is too general, or when they can help with something (“You’re free, so can you babysit?”).  Can they be chosen as friends, brothers and sisters?      The Church is a family that is made up of many parts.  And we need every single person (no pun intended).  We need our children, as well as our elders.  We need the ones who haven’t said “I do” yet, and the ones who have.  We need the clean-cuts, and the rough bunch.  We step into arrogance, when we believe that because someone else doesn’t have a shared life experience, that we somehow have no need to be in relationship (i.e. friendship) with them.  Jesus died for the world, saved us by His grace, and unified us by His love.  Let us live as such.

My Love Story Thus Far

  

I really set myself up, going into my internship.  Though I had let go of the idea that I had to be married to be happy or fulfilled - finally understood that my life could be well spent even if I had no family of my own - I still joked that maybe I would meet someone.  Well, there was this one guy…of course, this is my telling of our tale, but finally sharing the love story that God has written for me remains to be a blessing and privilege.     Jerrad Coons would tell you that the very day I walked through the doors of Destination Church on September 18, 2022, he was completely smitten.  For me, it didn’t take too much longer.  Within a month, most specifically, when our church had a game night, I took notice of him, as well.  His long hair, beautiful and dark brown eyes, and the tattoos told me that this guy was not your “suit ‘em up” kind of man.  Quiet, but very observant.  I thought him cute.  But wisdom told me that I needed to make an acquaintance of this man to see if the first impressions were matching up.  Furthermore, my heart at this time was still holding onto the hope of going back to the Rez.  It was ill-suited to stir up a romance if I was going to leave, anyway.     As my internship went on, I was cleaning the church, and when I needed someone to take over those duties as I increased my school subbing, my pastor suggested that I contact Jerrad.  With the two of us, the cleaning would have been finished in two hours.  In reality, it took double the time, because…well, we talked.  And talked quite a bit. Mostly minor things, but usually centered on background family life, as well as thoughts on politics, the Bible and ministry.  I really liked cleaning the church with Jerrad, and noticed that I was looking forward to Sundays a bit more, as well.     I kept this all under wraps, however.  Again, if I was going to leave - which I still believed that I was as of February 2023 - then why keep stirring things up?  God was revealing that I needed to let go of the Rez, but frankly, I was still holding onto old hopes and dreams.  Nevertheless, even if my interests were masked to the man himself, I told my brother and my mentor. And, boy, the mercy they gave me.  Every little thing that Jerrad said or did, I questioned, “Does he like me?”  My brother just met Jerrad as of last Friday, but he has known about my interest for a year now.  My mentor wanted me to work through this Bible study on breaking free from old wounds, but almost every week we met, I HAD to bring up this guy I couldn’t keep my mind off.       It wasn’t the bad boy that I was interested in.  Okay.  Maybe not completely.  There was something about him that I could tell he was rough around the edges.  I have grown up knowing that I wanted to do missions and probably wouldn’t have your usual picket-fence kind of life.  I wanted the forgotten ones.  And the man that I wanted to marry had to be someone who wanted to go after those who people would otherwise be discarded.  He had to not be afraid of the shadows.  My heart also needed a safe place where I could discuss matters important to faith and health, but also cheerful enough to make me laugh.     One of my favorite memories when we cleaned the church consisted of him finding a homeless man camped out behind our building.  “Laura, what should we do?”  I suggested we do what our pastor has often done: while having to evict the person we could offer a cup of hot coffee or water.  On the way to giving the man water, Jerrad piped up, “If we get shot, it’s been real!”  Ha ha!!  I still laugh about it (and for family and friends - Jerrad would have made sure that he would have protected me).     Jerrad and I remained as friends at church all through my internship.  The irony is that I never caught on to his interest in me.  Even when he would act like he was going to trip me, while I was cleaning. Even with his willingness to help with whatever I needed. Even when he gave me two packs of gum.  Okay.  That actually made me wonder, but I was told friends give friends gifts.  Even going into the summer and while we hung out, I held onto my secret, but I figured we were just friends.     We would go for walks.  I’d call him up to help me move things into my new apartment.  We even would have dinner together.  Now, this is where men would laugh and go, “Yeah, that’s a date,” but I still had no clue!  Maybe it was naivety or being a blonde, but while I liked this amazing man, I only hoped he liked me back.  Then August 14th came up.     There was an ultimate frisbee game, and as the evening grew into night, Jerrad and I remained at the park while everyone else left.  Seated, Jerrad asked me, “Why do you like to hang out with me?”     “Because I think you are cool,” I replied.  He wasn’t buying it.  “No, really.  Why do you like to hang out with me?  And don’t just say ‘because I’m cool’.”  I answered truthfully, “I enjoy your company and being able to talk with you.  And I feel protected and safe with you.”  Our conversation continued on, and I mentioned something about men with long hair, and beards.  “Well, that answers my third question,” Jerrad commented.      “What’s your third question,” I asked.     “What kind of men are you interested in?”     “Why do you want to know?” (See how I beat around the bush?  Truth is, I wanted to tell Jerrad I liked him, but I wanted him to be the first to say it.)  With a deep breath, he finally confessed, “Because I like you and I think you are cute... I had a crush on you since you came, and I don’t just think you are cute.  I think you are beautiful.”  It was out in the air, and the romantic I am, I responded, “Ditto.”  We talked some more and connected the dots over the last year.  We revealed how we tried to show we liked each other, and how we still were trying to keep it under wraps.  Relieved to know we share the same interest, we decided at that moment that we would date exclusively.     It didn’t take long for me to fall for Jerrad.  Even by Labor Day, I was asking God if it was too early to admit that I loved him.  In my waiting, I figured out what kind of man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with; moreover, the kind of man I needed.  I wanted a man who I could have shared interests and shared values.  I wanted a man who had a hospitality heart, and was willing to help.  I wanted a man whom I can discuss anything with, especially my faith.  Growing up, feeling like I was too much when I tried to discuss faith, it was such a safe place to find that Jerrad and I talked about what God was teaching each of us, as well as things that we identified as needs for our neighborhood.     I wanted a man who was willing to move where God is calling us. I needed a man who has a compassionate heart, but could also help curb my overextension in ministry involvement, and to focus on the actual thing God is proposing for us.  I needed a man who treated me with care and the utmost respect - and boy, does he ever! I wanted a man who was down to earth and willing to step up.  I wanted a man who wanted to reach out to the unwanted.  I wanted a man who was willing to develop his own relationship with Jesus, with and without me.  I wanted a man whom I could have an adventure of a life with, extending out to neighbors.  And in all of these things, Jerrad is.     This last weekend, Jerrad asked for permission from my dad for my hand.  My father said yes, and soon after, so did I.  We are hoping to be married in the springtime.  I know that for friends and family, this seems all of a sudden.  Might feel rushed.  And yet, things were clicking, and they continue to click.  On a regular basis, I am amazed at what kind of man Jerrad Dean Coons is, and who God is growing him to be.  He will tell you he is still learning, but both of us are.  Neither of us are perfect - for no human is - but we have found that we are each other’s perfect fit, and I am excited to spend the rest of my life with him.     As I look back on our story, I also see God at work in my own life, personally.  I remember being in my 20s wondering if there was something wrong with me, because I wasn’t getting hitched. I wondered how much I had to mature spiritually before I was fit to be wed.  Men had caught my eye, but all for the wrong reasons, and it was God’s protection that nothing ever progressed into an actual relationship.  I am so thankful that in the waiting, God revealed the perfect man for me.

Engaged on October 6, 2023

    And perfectly, like in God’s fashion, He went above and beyond what I asked or thought (see Ephesians 3:20).  For me, the fact that Jerrad sees me - not just as cute, but beautiful - whether I’m in jeans, a dress, or even in my sports shorts is incredible.  I thought I had to fit into a specific box to be seen as feminine, but he already sees me as such.  And yes, he loves cooking and cleaning!  Now, I’m not going to put all the household duties on him.  In fact, we like the idea of cooking and dividing house chores evenly.  Nevertheless, here was a man who didn’t expect me to be the stereotypical woman to be worthy of his love.  My character, personality and how I carried myself - the way that God intended - was enough for him.     I am so happy, but I am so thankful for how God worked in my love story.  It wasn’t like the chick flicks would write, but it was perfect.  I am grateful that Jerrad and I began our acquaintances as friends, and had that foundation as we progressed getting to know one another. And he really has become my best friend.  We can talk about anything, ask questions, and inquire together how God wants to lead.  I absolutely love it! And as we have engaged ourselves to be married, now we have begun dreaming, wondering what God has in store for us.  Only time will tell what God has yet to reveal.